Dialing Up Some 411 on a Wrong Number

I saw a 10-10 telephone number advertised one day on TV. I didn’t understand what a 10-10 telephone number was. All I knew was that a famous actor was standing there on my TV, urging me to use a 10-10 telephone number.

He made a 10-10 telephone number sound like a wonderful number to know. So, I wrote down the remainder of the famous actor’s 10-10 telephone number. That way, I could call his 10-10 telephone number before I called whatever other numbers I had to call.

But I never got around to calling that 10-10 telephone number. A few hours later, you see, an actor almost as famous as that other famous actor appeared on my TV, telling me that I really should call a different 10-10 telephone number.

At first, I thought both actors were doing commercials for the same 10-10 telephone number. Then I realized that the second actor thought his 10-10 telephone number was even more wonderful than the first actor’s 10-10 telephone number.

Well, I believed both guys, so I now wasn’t sure which 10-10 telephone number was the better 10-10 telephone number. And wouldn’t you know it, while I was trying to sort all this out, a third famous actor came on my TV and I’ll be a monkey’s uncle if he didn’t have a 10-10 telephone number himself.

I still had no clue what a 10-10 telephone number did, but I sure did want to dial one.

Maybe I could even call a 10-10 telephone number to place a call to one of the other 10-10 telephone numbers.

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Anyway, around 10 or 15 10-10 numbers and actors later, I had a pad by my telephone that was filled with 10-10 numbers. I had 10-10s by the score. I had 10-10-321 and 10-10-220 and everything but 10-10-PEnnsylvania 6-5000. I think one 10-10 number connected me directly to a large woman named Olga who talks dirty.

But which should I use?

Could I be sure which company’s 10-10 number saved me the most money? Should I find out which 10-10 telephone number saves me 17 cents if I make calls on Sundays between 11:59 p.m. and midnight if the person I’m calling is using a rotary wall phone with a crank handle in the lobby of a motel in Kentucky?

I was in 10-10 hell. I felt the need to ask a friend about 10-10 telephone numbers, so I called her. I got an answering machine, but not before discovering that her area code had changed from 213 to 310 to 323 to 714 to 562 to 909 to 805 to 818 and then back to 213.

“Did you move?” I asked.

“No,” she said.

A 10-10 telephone number, she told me, is a way to save money on your long-distance calls. You just dial a company’s seven-digit code--most of which begin with 10-10, though not all--and possibly pay a cheaper price than your usual carrier would charge.

Good idea, I said, so I began calling around, using 10-10 telephone numbers to call up telephone companies about their 10-10 telephone numbers. I saved at least $10 calling telephone companies with 10-10 telephone numbers asking them how their 10-10 telephone number could save me up to $10.

My big savings were about to begin.

And then I found out Thursday that 10-10 telephone numbers--or “dial-around” services, as they are otherwise known--are being investigated by the Federal Communications Commission, by the Federal Trade Commission, by the California Public Utilities Commission, by practically every commission but professional wrestling’s.

It was reported that these investigations were due to “hundreds of customer complaints.”

I feel for these customers, especially if they couldn’t save money by using a 10-10 number when they called to complain.

Regulatory agencies and consumer groups are on the case. They are looking into what the FCC chairman called “hidden charges and misleading advertising.”

In other words, some of the 10-10 services could be giving you a few wrong numbers.

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I used to pick up a phone and just dial. Or pop a coin into a phone and just dial.

But then I needed more coins. Then a credit card. Then a code. Then the secret password. I’ve spent 15 minutes trying to remember which 15 numbers to press. Then I had to give an operator 15 more numbers and my grandmother’s maiden name.

Using a phone used to be a no-brainer. Now I don’t even know how to dial.

I have a secret fear that someday I’ll be having an emergency, but won’t know if I’m supposed to call 10-10-911.

Mike Downey’s column appears Sundays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Write to him at Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles 90053. E-mail: mike.downey@latimes.com