Welfare for Hollywood? That’s Rich!

The Salvation Army could have some serious competition next year--at least if you believe claims that California’s film industry needs a financial break because of losing jobs to areas such as Canada where production costs are lower. Not to worry. Hollywood has turned to the Legislature looking for--what else?--tax relief.

Tinseltown workers and unions claim that production has slowed here because the state isn’t doing enough to help out. So the stars have trekked to their favorite legislators looking for handouts. Forget “let’s do lunch.” Just “take a meeting” with the government and squeeze out a little help from your friends.

At least three California Assembly members already have responded to these pleas by putting bills into the hopper for down-on-their-luck filmmakers. One of their rescuers, Assemblywoman Sheila Kuehl, used to hang out with these folks. She played the annoying character Zelda on my generation’s favorite TV show: “The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis.”

Today Kuehl is merely another annoying politico looking to soak average folks via a tax expenditure subsidizing an industry dripping in loot. And we should be mad as hell and not take it anymore. It’s not the union workers, stage hands, grips, set carpenters and the like who deserve our ire; it’s Ms. Kuehl’s pals among the Hollywood elite.

Bloated production costs aren’t caused by working stiffs trying to make an honest buck. By any measure, the budget busting comes from the bottomless greed of Sunset Boulevard swells who sop up the cash flow out of movie making. And how--according to Times staff writer Robert Welkos, who took the trouble of actually researching the real world of film production costs.

For starters, on any “A list” movie, there needs to be two “A list” movie stars and one top director. Thus, beginning costs, before anyone even shouts “Roll ‘em,” are $40 million--not including the stars’ “perk packages.”

A perk package is not a reference to bringing an irrepressible Gidget onto the movie set. It means providing something akin to a personal ATM for the pampered and precious--their economy, stupid. In this case, the package retails for about $1 million to $2 million per actor and actress.

Here, I can’t improve on Welkos’ own words: “In recent years, the press has reported on some of the more curious perks accorded the stars: Jim Carrey demanding two personal chefs on “Ace Ventura”--one for himself and another for his pet iguana; Wesley Snipes traveling with at least six bodyguards; John Travolta leading an entourage of 15 to 17 people, including assistants who fetch him cold drinks.”

Perk packages include a star’s per diem of $3,000 to $5,000 a week--petty cash for such things as food and personal chefs. Add allowances for personal hairstylists ($4,500 a week), personal makeup artists ($4,000 a week) and personal masseuses (a bargain at $3,000 per). There’s also the 40-foot “fifth wheel” luxury trailers provided for stars “equipped with pop-out bedrooms, showers, rear living rooms and entertainment centers hooked to satellite dishes.”

Not surprisingly, networking and support groups in Los Angeles and New York have been formed devoted to the care and feeding of these poor souls. Gotham’s goes by the name New York Celebrity Assistants (NYCA). The Wall Street Journal reports that the NYCA has produced a three-ring binder guide so members can locate private planes, yachts, personal trainers and limousine companies. It also includes a list of VIP service people at major airports.

This conspicuous consumption in show biz is further symbolized by massive windfalls such as bonuses to film mogul Michael Eisner (in the $200-million range) and other industry deals where tens of millions of dollars flow to individuals on a seemingly routine basis.

It’s not that the free market shouldn’t create and provide wealth for talented professionals. Rewarding enterprise is an American wonder. It is Hollywood’s narcissism, self-indulgence and accompanying liberal contempt of the rest of the world that galls.

They glitter on Oscar night and then by day beg to the political world they often despise to seek financial subsidies. Hollywood prospers from squeezing flick fans for $8 tickets and then grubs from them the succor of tax breaks. No wonder they adore Bill Clinton. A sense of shame does not come naturally to either.

Kenneth L. Khachigian is a veteran political strategist and former White House speech writer who practices law in Orange County. His column appears here every other week.