A Blast From the Past at Rhino’s RetroFest

Now that Rhino’s old enough to party proper, the one-horned, one-of-a-kind entertainment company is throwing a bash. To celebrate its 21st birthday, the L.A. label--renowned for repackaging Americana schlock-o-rama--is adding another feather to its propeller beanie, this weekend’s RetroFest at the Santa Monica Civic Auditorium. The three-day affair comes with chills, thrills and Batmobiles, oh yeah, and plenty of retroactive fun.

Phew, and just in the nick of time. What the world needs now is some feel-good entertainment, and that seems to be what’s lurking deep in the heart of RetroFest.

“We’re going back to an innocence,” says Garson Foos, Rhino’s senior vice president of marketing and RetroFest’s visionary. “We wanted the vibe to be one of pure entertainment and celebration.”

He’ll have a hard time missing that boat: For 15 bucks a pop (children under 12 are free), fans can meet Iron Butterfly, Fred “Rerun” Berry, Timmy from the “Lassie” series, Lumpy, as well as dozens of other ghosts of pop culture past. If you don’t know who those people are, this may not be the event for you.

In addition, Rhino is offering free arcade games. Forget about bloody violence; we’re talking Donkey Kong, Pac Man and Space Invaders, as well as some low-tech amusements (Dan the Paddleball Man will be showing off with those wooden paddleball toys).

A good chunk of the event is dedicated to children’s entertainment, something planners believe is integral to the event’s spirit.

“We really wanted this to be a family affair,” Foos says.

To be sure, kids can check out the Scooby Doo Mystery Machine, play with giant-scale Lego sets or learn to draw from Hanna-Barbera illustrators. In the meantime, parents can nose around the set from “The Honeymooners,” the original Munstermobile and Batmobile and also assuage their misguided ‘70s fashion judgments with a retro runway show.

But the very Rhino-esque music lineup is the coup de gras. Only a catalog that runs as deep as Rhino’s would be able to pull off the following: The daily shows include Friday’s performances by Missing Persons (who will undoubtedly remind guests why they drove there--nobody walks in L.A.), the ‘80s cover band M-80s, sexy Berlin and a tribute to “The Rocky Horror Picture Show.” Saturday gets even more retro, with shows by the delightful rappers Sugarhill Gang with Grandmaster Melle Mel; the ultimate soul brothers of Ohio Players; and the “Have a Nice Decade Revue,” which includes Bo Donaldson & the Heywoods, Bobby Pickett and Al Wilson, among other seminal performers. And Sunday, guests will be treated to music by the Turtles, legendary surf guitarist Dick Dale, the original cast of Beatlemania and Mitch Ryder, with Three Dog Night’s Chuck Negron.

It’s difficult to imagine this ambitious affair started off small.

“A couple of years ago, we’d talked about doing a ‘70s festival because the decade was so popular,” Foos says. “We started getting serious about it and bringing in event producers. Then we thought, ‘Wait a minute. Why not do something that encompasses all aspects of retro?’ ” And before he could say, “Get me TV Land on the phone,” Rhino had partnered up with the cable rerun channel.

“Rhino is a perfect fit for us,” says Larry Jones, TV Land’s general manager. “[The RetroFest is] not about a nostalgia trip--it’s about really good entertainment that’s still really good entertainment.”

Part of the festival’s fun will be a TV Land-sponsored “Ultimate Fan Search.” The cable channel is hitting 15 different markets in the country, in search of the fan with ultimate television radar. When the contest hits L.A., its 14th stop, on Sunday, Angelenos with a considerable boob tube database can try their shot at the grand prize: getting their own show on TV Land. Like a veejay, the winner will wear the tiara of a “teejay,” having the opportunity to select personal favorites from programming past. For the hard-core tube geeks out there, the L.A. contest kicks off with appearances by the Beave and Jeannie (that’s Jerry Mathers and Barbara Eden).

“This festival’s not being done in a condescending way, like, it was so much better then than now, but you got to admit, it’s pretty fun to look back,” says Jones, who recently purchased “The Honeymooners” through Sotheby’s auction.

For some of this Sunday’s day-trippers, all those years of couch-potato perfection just might pay off. Even for people who don’t try their hand at trivia, there’s the chance to blow your cash on cool vintage memorabilia (there’s plenty of collectibles for purchase) or blow your eardrums on cool vintage tunes.

Bo Donaldson, who’s hosting the “Have a Nice Decade Revue,” has been feverishly rehearsing in a Van Nuys studio, making sure his pitch will be perfect when he cranks out his former No. 1 hit, “Billy Don’t Be a Hero.”

“The timing is great for this thing,” he says. “Everyone from Quentin Tarantino to the movie ‘Mystery Men’ to current TV shows are inspired by retro.”

Donaldson even tried a bit of personal retrofitting for the RetroFest: He went on a diet to fit into the sparkly Nudie-made western suit he sported back in the day. Well, maybe, just maybe, some things are best left in the past.

BE THERE

“First Annual RetroFest,” Santa Monica Civic Auditorium (indoors and outdoors), Friday, 6 to 11 p.m.; Saturday, noon to 11 p.m.; Sunday, 11 a.m. to 9 p.m. $15 (free for children under 12). Portion of proceeds benefits VH1 “Save the Music.” (877) GO-RETRO.