LAUGH LINES

Off the Campaign Trail: During the impeachment proceedings, Newt Gingrich was having an affair with a woman who worked for the House Agricultural Committee. “Newt was seen holding hands with the woman, who was described as 33 years old, pretty and really, really nearsighted.” (Jay Leno)

Trying Times: Ken Starr says he’s rapidly moving toward the conclusion of his investigation of Bill and Hillary Clinton. “Rapid in the sense that the continental plates are rapidly moving apart.” (Daily Scoop)

Trying Times II: Starr says he’ll wrap up his investigation by the election. “Yeah, Hillary’s reelection.” (Daily Scoop)

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The Essential

David Letterman

People we’re pretty sure aren’t Deep Throat:

10. Meryl Streep.

9. Rod Stewart.

8. Poppin’ Fresh Doughboy.

7. Chong (could be Cheech).

6. The dead guy on the subway.

5. Anybody who’s ever used the word “Funkalicious.”

3. Football legend O.J. Simpson--he’s just not the type to get mixed up in any cloak and dagger stuff.

1. Deepak Chopra.

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