Just Another Fishy Urban Folk Tale
A disastrous luncheon thrown by a “prominent Los Angeles socialite” is one of the yarns related in Thomas Craughwell’s “Alligators in the Sewer and 222 Other Urban Legends.”
The hostess supposedly served salmon mousse during one course of a hoity-toity affair, only to find her cat nibbling on the remains in the kitchen. She shooed the feline outside but later the woman’s maid gave her some bad news: The cat had been found dead.
“He must have died of ptomaine,” the hostess groaned. “What will I tell my guests?”
She ‘fessed up and, at a doctor’s advice, the guests had their stomachs pumped at a local hospital.
Some hours after the catastrophe, so the story goes, the woman’s neighbor appeared. The neighbor revealed that earlier in the day she had struck the cat with her car. “I just left its body by the curb,” she said. “Can you ever forgive me?”
*
NOW THAT I’VE WHETTED YOUR APPETITE: It’s time to serve up today’s Dining Guide for the Adventurous (see accompanying). Joe Salazar of Lancaster found a variety of meat that is shaved close to the bone. Diana Jackson of Orinda came across a phone company’s attempt to make long-distance charges more palatable. And Wendell Freeman of Compton noticed an experimental test of a new fuel for motor vehicles. (Wonder if it was salmon mousse?)
*
THANKS, BUT WE’LL TAKE YOUR WORD FOR IT: Lisalee Anne Wells of Long Beach spotted a handwritten sign on a utility pole that could have been more tastefully worded. It read: “I LOST 20 LBS. IN 2 WEEKS. FREE SAMPLES.”
*
MY GIRL THANKED HIS GIRL FOR THIS ITEM: Funnyman Phil Proctor of the Firesign Theater group sent along this list of indications that you’ve lived in L.A. too long:
* Your psychic has no clue why your agent hasn’t returned your calls.
* You phone a dirty remark via your cell phone to the cell user who just cut you off in traffic.
* Even your “windows of opportunity” are tinted.
* You provoke a massive televised freeway pursuit to get your first TV credit.
* You swear you see a homeless man with a sign that reads, “Will Help You Through Childhood Issues for Food.”
* You go to Dodger games just for the peanuts.
*
ALL ABOARD! Joe Shea of Hollywood read in The Times the other day that scientists have discovered that “downtown Los Angeles is drifting toward Pasadena at a rate of one inch every five years.” He commented that it’s still a faster rate than the unbuilt Blue Line extension is making.
*
MUGGED: Well, I’m back after two weeks of teaching at a journalism workshop for high school students at Cal Poly San Luis Obispo. The kids’ enthusiasm is refreshing, even if I am occasionally caught off guard by one of their questions. Like the young columnist-in-the-making who queried me about my column mug. “How long ago was that photo taken?” she asked. “I thought you were much younger, maybe 20 years younger.”
miscelLAny:
When I return to town after an absence of several days, I always wonder what my first L.A. moment will be. This time it occurred at the corner of La Cienega and Wilshire boulevards, where a guy with a “Baby on Board” sticker on his car ran a red light. Baby was not on board, I’m happy to say.
*
Steve Harvey can be reached by phone at (213) 237-7083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com and by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053.