LAUGH LINES

Hitting the Heights: Al Gore hired a guide to help him and his son climb Mt. Rainier. “Reportedly when they got to the top of the mountain, the guide stuck Gore in the summit and then escorted the flag back down.” (Conan O’Brien)

In a Different Arena: Geena Davis is trying to qualify for the U.S. women’s Olympic archery team. “She’s not the only actress training for the event. Calista Flockhart needs to lose six more pounds to qualify as Geena’s arrow.” (Argus Hamilton)

Shhh, Silence Please: The Dalai Lama planned to lead thousands in a mass meditation in New York City. “You know, meditating in New York is difficult because every few minutes you have to stop and tell someone to shut their freakin’ pie hole.” (O’Brien)

Changing Channels: Prince Edward and NBC are teaming on a TV movie about Queen Elizabeth and the Queen Mum. “That’s NBC’s idea of diversity: people of a different color--off-white and pasty.” (Jay Leno)

Changing Channels II: “NYPD Blue” star Dennis Franz reportedly lost 30 pounds. “Just to give you an idea of how much that is, on the first day of shooting for the new season, it turns out Jimmy Smits never left--he was right there behind Dennis the whole time.” (Steve Voldseth)

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