Retreats Offer Serenity, Silence and Self-Improvement

Alice Swiney is hardly the quiet type. Her friends, in fact, describe her as loquacious, she says. So at first it sounds odd that the Northern California homemaker participates in silent retreats at least four times a year.

Swiney goes to Mercy Center, a spirituality and conference center in Burlingame, south of San Francisco. The center is sponsored by the Catholic Sisters of Mercy but welcomes people of any belief.

Sometimes Swiney stays for a weekend, sometimes longer. Sometimes her husband, Merrill, an emergency department physician, goes too, but they stay separately to avoid talking.

The Swineys say the experience offers them serenity.

Silent retreats, in which little or no conversation is allowed, are becoming popular, and some retreat houses have waiting lists. But retreat directors caution that these timeouts should not be viewed as vacations.

While they can be restful, their purpose is self-improvement through introspection. A weekend without distraction allows you to withdraw to a quiet place to take a look at how your life is going, sort things out and get perspective, says Anne Luther, executive director of Retreats International, an organization based in Notre Dame, Ind., that provides referrals to retreat centers.

Spurred partially by baby boomers ready for midlife reflection, as well as a greater interest in spirituality, the silent retreats tend to draw men and women in their 40s and older, say retreat operators, although they welcome--and sometimes offer special programs for--younger participants.

About 360 retreat centers are members of Retreats International, Luther says. Most are affiliated with religious organizations or follow specific spiritual teachings, such as those of the Buddha, although most welcome people of any religion or culture.

Programs vary. Some are group oriented; others focus on individuals. Often there are meetings with a teacher or leader who provides spiritual guidance; sometimes there are daily lectures. There may be small groups for discussion and sharing.

The cost of a silent retreat typically is modest. “A week might be $30 to $60 a day,” says Luther of Retreats International, and that would include lodging and meals.

A typical day at Spirit Rock Meditation Center in Woodacre, in western Marin County, begins at 6 a.m., says Judith Hodgens, the center’s executive director. That’s followed by sitting meditation, breakfast and chores. Everyone has a task, such as sweeping floors or helping in the kitchen. At about 9 a.m. there is a formal sitting, which usually involves a talk by a retreat leader. That’s followed by more meditation, stretching or yoga, and lunch, which is the main meal. The afternoons are devoted to private time or exercise. A light meal is served at dinner, and the evening includes another talk and more meditation. The day concludes by 9:30 p.m.

Teachings at Spirit Rock are based on those of the Buddha, with an emphasis on “mindfulness meditation,” which focuses on being present in the moment, Hodgens says.

At Mercy Center, in Burlingame, a retreat to prepare for the millennium is planned from Dec. 28 to Jan. 1, says spokeswoman Liz Dossa.

At Spirit Rock, a Labor Day retreat Sept. 3 to 6 will be for beginners, says Hodgens, with sitting and walking meditation exercises.

But how difficult is it to stop talking for days on end?

“Being silent was easier than I thought,” says Alice Swiney. But her husband finds it difficult at times. “On the fourth day of a retreat,” he says, “I usually sneak out and talk.”

Luther cautions first-timers not to view the retreat as a substitute for therapy. And while participants do not have to be religious in the traditional churchgoing sense to derive benefit, she suggests people should in some way acknowledge their spirituality to get the most out of the experience.

Participants are asked to leave cell phones and pagers at home, says Hodgens of Spirit Rock, and the rooms do not have telephones.

“You get caught up in the silence,” says Dossa of Mercy Center.

“Silence can be very healing,” agrees Margaret Backman, a New York psychologist specializing in travel issues and health psychology. “We are bombarded with a lot of stimuli, and sometimes people don’t have a chance to think and feel.”

She adds that some people might find the environment of silence too isolating. Others may have difficulty coping with the somewhat rigid structure. Those under the care of a therapist should get their therapist’s advice, she says.

First-timers should develop basic meditation skills first, the Swineys advise. Upon returning home, don’t rush back into your busy life, Merrill Swiney says; if possible, give yourself a buffer day.

For more information: Retreats International, telephone (800) 556- 4532, Internet https://www.retreats intl.org.

Mercy Center, tel. (650) 340- 7474, Internet https://www.mercy-center.org.

Spirit Rock, tel. (415) 488-0164, Internet https://www.spiritrock.org.

Healthy Traveler appears on the second and fourth Sundays of the month. Kathleen Doheny can be reached at kdoheny@compuserve .com.