Listening, Talking to Your Partner Can Prevent Date Rape

Acquaintance rape is commonly called date rape. Date rape is a misleading term that describes a serious crime that is misunderstood and underreported. Rape, regardless of who commits it, is a felony sexual assault that leaves the victim injured and traumatized. Victims of rape, especially when committed by an acquaintance, often feel a sense of responsibility for the attack and don’t report the crime to police. Here are some tips:

MEN:

* Listen carefully. If you feel a woman is not being direct or is giving you a “mixed message,” ask for clarification.

* Use common sense. You do not have the right to force a woman to have sex just because you paid for her dinner or drinks.

* Don’t fall for stereotypes. When a woman says “no,” don’t assume that she really means “yes.” If a woman says “no” to sexual contact, stop.

* Remember that date rape is a crime.

* Be aware of your date. Having sex with someone who is incapable of giving consent is rape. If you have sex with a woman who is drugged, intoxicated, passed out, incapable of saying “no,” or unaware of what is happening around her, you may be guilty of rape.

* Be especially careful in group situations. Resist pressure from friends to participate in violent or criminal acts.

WOMEN

* Know your sexual intentions and limits. You have the right to say “no” to any unwanted sexual contact. If you are uncertain about what you want, ask the man to respect your feelings.

* If you don’t know your date well, consider driving your own car and asking to meet your date in a public place--if he hesitates, don’t waver. If you do accept a ride from a date, always carry enough money to call a cab if you need to cut the date short.

* Communicate your limits firmly and directly. If you say “no,” say it like you mean it. Be careful of mixed messages.

* Back up your words with a firm voice and clear body language. Some men think that drinking, dressing provocatively or going to a man’s room indicates a willingness to have sex.

* Stay sober on a date. Alcohol impairs judgment and memory. A victim of rape who was intoxicated may have her credibility attacked in court.

* Listen to your gut feelings. If you feel you may be at risk, leave the situation immediately.

* Don’t be afraid to “make waves” if you feel threatened. If you feel you are being pressured or coerced into sexual activity, state your feelings and get out of the situation.

* Attend parties with friends you trust. Look out for one another. Try to leave with a group, rather than alone or with someone you don’t know well.

Source: Ventura Police Department