LAUGH LINES

Sawdust Memories: “Vice President Al Gore is tired of being compared to a block of wood. And he wants to apologize to all the people who get splinters when he hugs them.” (Gary Greenfield)

His Own Devices: “Hillary said she will scale back her duties as first lady, and Al Gore says his job as vice president will now take a back seat. Republicans can’t believe their good luck. Bill Clinton is home alone in the White House.” (Argus Hamilton)

Going Buggy: “Philadelphia is apparently not fully Y2K compliant, as up to 500 people got notices instructing them to show up for jury duty in 1900. No word yet if they’ll accept the old ‘my horse threw a shoe’ excuse.’ ” (Johnny Robish)

*

The Essential

David Letterman

Least Popular Toys

10. Hillary Clinton “Oy, I’m Jewish!” Dress-Up Kit

9. Nerf Filing Cabinet

8. The Barbie and Ken Ritualistic Millennium Murder-Suicide Play Set

7. G.I. Joe Franklin

6. Pokemon Autopsy Lab (Pikachu corpse sold separately)

4. Chia Trump

2. Don’t Scratch That Rash

1. Skank Barbie

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.