LAUGH LINES

Deja View: “Seattle street protests brought back memories of the ‘60s. Back then, drugs were epidemic, U.S. troops were overseas on hostile soil and James Bond was No. 1 at the box office. It was an entirely different world.” (Argus Hamilton)

Divvying Up: “The National Enquirer will publish a story next week that Bill and Hillary are getting divorced. It says she’s going to move to New York without him. In other words, he gets the house and she gets the Senate.” (Hamilton)

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The Essential David Letterman

Signs You’re at a Lame Riot

10. Rioters log on to AOL and do all their looting online.

9. Riot ends when Wendy’s employee refills empty ketchup dispenser.

8. Crowd chanting, “Neatness counts! Neatness counts!”

7. Everyone has name tags.

5. Ranks get strangely thin during half-hour “Dharma & Greg” airs.

4. Instead of smashing store windows, rioters carefully remove glass and set it aside.

2. Ringleader Mr. Rogers whips crowd into a frenzy of gentleness.

1. “Hell no! We probably won’t go!”

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