LAUGH LINES
Birthday Blast: “Sen. Strom Thurmond of South Carolina celebrated his 97th birthday last week. He shouted his thanks to everyone. Plenty of senators are hard of hearing, but Strom’s the only one who can blame it on Yankee cannonballs.” (Argus Hamilton)
You Gotta Have Heart: “Democratic presidential contender Bill Bradley checked himself into a hospital suffering from an irregular heartbeat. Back at the Al Gore camp, supporters report that they have yet to detect a heartbeat.” (Jerry Perisho)
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The Essential David Letterman
Top Signs You’re Having a Bad Holiday Season
10. All of the Christmas cards you receive are addressed to “Resident.”
8. You’re riding in a one-horse closed sleigh, and your wife keeps whining, “Oh what fun we’d be having if only this were an open sleigh!”
7. A week after Christmas, you notice a bizarre smell coming from the chimney.
6. The first words your Furby says are, “Take me back to the store.”
4. You’ve had more than one fist fight with a mall cop.
2. The FBI finds your “genetic material” on Mrs. Claus’ dress.
1. Two words: tinsel rash.
Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.
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