LAUGH LINES
Cause for Alarm: “George W. Bush and Sen. John McCain engaged in their first intense exchange in the Republican presidential candidates’ debate Monday night. To give you an idea of how intense it was, at one point several of the audience members actually woke up.” (Alex Kaseberg)
Crazy Prediction: “As the baby boomer generation grows older and life expectancy increases, there are going to be more Americans with mental disorders. Which should help Pat Buchanan finally get elected president.” (Gary Greenfield)
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The Essential David Letterman
Top Successful NASA Missions
10. Navigated Toyota Camry through Wendy’s drive-thru.
9. Paved nearly 40% of the moon.
8. Used space shuttle’s robotic arm to give finger to Mir space station.
6. Built lifelike robot and got him elected vice president.
5. Discovered 40 new “planets” after scientist sneezed on telescope lens.
4. Placed satellite in orbit around Al Roker.
2. Landed a man on Ellen DeGeneres.
1. While skyrocket was in flight, had some afternoon delight.
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