Pining for the Holidays

It’s Christmas-tree shopping time in Southern California, and though a choosing tree may seem like the most perfunctory purchase of the season, it’s an event that can carry more than its share of emotional freight.

On a recent evening at a lot near the foothills of the west San Fernando Valley, Kevin and Andrea Burke, with 3-year-old Owen in tow, discuss their preferences: He wants a noble fir. She wants a Douglas.

They do agree on some things. It has to be full--so the trunk can’t be seen--and it has to feature a classic triangular shape.

He points one out and asks what she thinks. She thinks it’s OK, but she doesn’t seem enthusiastic.

Finally, after about 15 minutes, they settle on a 6-foot noble. Not too tall. Not too short. And, they say, it should fit perfectly just under their home’s 8-foot ceiling.

For some people, the idea of choosing a tree without consulting other family members is unthinkable.

“I wouldn’t like it if he came home with a tree,” said Andrea, 33. “He may like something and I might not like it.”

But the yearly outing, the Burkes agreed, offers a meaningful family ritual whose importance belies the particulars of any tree.

“It’s a family thing,” said Kevin, 36, a plastering contractor. “I could have just gone out and got one today and brought it home. [But] part of it is the three of us or even just the two of us going out and picking a tree together.”

Steve Lebman, whose family operates tree lots in Chatsworth and Northridge, says at least 90% of his customers are families with kids. Rarely do any of them spend less than 15 minutes browsing.

“A lot of times it seems like the kids will have the biggest input,” Lebman said. “But the mothers will have the override. The fathers tend to stand in the background.”

Those who come alone are usually older folks, he said. In such cases, frequently, one spouse sends the other out for a tree. Women tend to buy a tree on the spot. Men often mark one as a “hold” and later bring their wives to look at it--or they describe the tree to them on a cell phone.

Some solo buyers seem to be working out unrelated emotional issues through their choice of Christmas tree.

There was, for instance, a 20-something woman, articulate and attractive, who asked Lebman on a recent Saturday for the ugliest tree he had, the one most likely to spend Christmas alone at the lot. She paid for a “wider than it was tall” tree that he thought he would not be able to give away.

And there was a woman in her 50s who had just lost her best friend. She wanted a tree that would remind her of him.

“I think it’s a different emotional thing for everybody,” said Lebman.

For most, though, it’s about sharing a holiday moment with loved ones.

“I think whatever he got would be fine,” said Katrina Flores, 24, tree shopping with boyfriend Konstantin Hatcher, 26, and 3-month-old son Kaliq. “It’s just coming together . . . the holiday spirit.”

“We usually let the girls pick now that they’re getting older,” said Chris Edwards, at the lot with wife Bonnie and daughters Brittany, 9, and Amber, 6. “Amber picks the first one she sees so we like to look it over.”

The Edwards girls, too, seemed to understand that it’s not all about the tree.

“I like [tree shopping],” said Brittany, “because I think it brings out the Christmas spirit in all of us.”