Byte the Bullet: Face Techno Fears

Dear Vicki: My husband, Dave, and I are almost completely computer illiterate. I know we sound like a couple of dinosaurs, but, honestly, we have just never had the need to master the new technology. On the other hand, our two sons, ages 8 and 10, seem to have been born with a mouse in hand.

Dave and I are concerned because we are relatively ignorant as to what exactly our kids are doing online. Are we making too big a deal out of our computer cluelessness or is it our job as new millennium parents to get on the ball?

--NO MEGAS IN OUR BYTE

Dear No Megas: Statistics show that you and your mate are in good company--dim, albeit, but good.

Not only are most parents still clumsy around computers but thousands of us report that we are actually phobic about the technology.

Even in this day and age, many of us wouldn’t know our URLs from our TRWs. But we really do owe it to our kids to understand the vast information access that logging on provides.

I recently read that pornography is the topic with the largest amount of content on the Internet. That right there should be incentive enough for you to spend some time sitting beside your boys while they cyber-surf.

Now, I’m willing to bet that your kids spend most of their computer time like mine do--checking out pro-wrestling sites, playing games and chatting with their classmates. But I know moms who have discovered their children gathered around a monitor showing images of women having sex with animals. Even worse, we’ve all heard news stories about pedophiles who start up cyber relationships with unsuspecting kids.

As you probably know, Internet providers such as AOL offer parents the ability to limit what their kids can access. The problem with these services is that they also filter out a lot of good information that your child may need to research art history (or even his beloved wrestling!).

Just so you know where I’m coming from, I don’t think the constitutional right to privacy exists between me and my children until they are living outside of my home and are paying their own bills, but you may not be so dictatorial. Nonetheless, when it comes to computers, you and Dave are giving up a valuable parenting tool by allowing your children to be so much smarter than you. Hey, you don’t even need to take a class--your boys can surely teach you the basics. And trust me, they’d love to demonstrate their prowess. Take some time to learn how the boys are spending their virtual time. I guarantee you’ll grow to love it yourself.

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Vicki Iovine is the author of the “Girlfriends’ Guide” and parenting correspondent for NBC’s “Later Today.” Write to her at Girlfriends, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A., CA 90053; e-mail GrlfrndsVI@aol.com.