LAUGH LINES

Getting Off Easy: “According to the British press, Prime Minister Tony Blair and his wife are planning on naming President Clinton the godfather of their new baby. Believe me, Clinton was relieved when he heard it was just godfather.” (Jay Leno)

Class Clowns: In Omaha, Neb., a bank robber was identified by a teller he went to high school with. “Yeah, I bet those two are really going to hit it off at the next high school reunion.” (Andrew Wisot)

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The Essential David Letterman

Top Intriguing Facts

About Albert Einstein

10. Attributed his intelligence to eating nothing but Fritos.

9. Most famous formula: “Professional wrestling plus sitting naked on sofa equals fun.”

6. Theory of relativity inspired by malt liquor-fueled sex-a-thon at Hef’s mansion.

5. Mathematically proved impossibility of Hillary becoming senator.

3. Faked his own death, shaved his mustache and today goes by the name Merv Griffin.

2. Copied E=MC2 from Chinese kid who sat next to him in physics class.

1. His older brother, Gary--now there’s a smart guy.

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