The Big, the Bad and the Sport-Utility

Big and Bad: We couldn’t resist the Ford Excursion display from Dick Cepek Inc., the Carson-based maker of most all things off-road, at the Specialty Equipment Market Assn. show in Las Vegas last month.

The Excursion was impressive enough, towering as it did over everything else in the exhibit hall after the Cepek gang got through raising the suspension and adding an off-road kit that included gigantic rock-smasher tires.

And then there was that rooftop sign taking a poke at General Motors Corp.: “RIP Chevy Suburban . . . Found Out Too Late That Size Does Matter.”

Indeed, Bigger Is Better: The Insurance Institute for Highway Safety recently opined, after running a series of crash tests, that instead of outlawing sport-utility vehicles and big pickup trucks, we would be better off banning econo-boxes.

The insurance testers found that “getting rid of the lightest cars would have a big positive effect on highway safety,” whereas eliminating heavy SUVs and pickups would have only “a slightly positive effect.”

Ridding the highways of Honda Civics and Chevy Metros and the like would save about 700 lives a year; eliminating Mitsubishi Monteros, Lincoln Navigators and Ford F-150s would save only about 160 lives annually, the IIHS reported.

Occupants of the lightest, smallest cars face high risk in crash situations not because the other vehicles are so terrible, but because of the “vulnerability of their own vehicles,” the institute said. The same report also found that 41% of crash deaths occur in single-vehicle accidents--the car-versus-tree type.

Hmm. . . . How about a campaign to rid our roadsides of killer redwoods?

The institute’s report on vehicle compatibility in crashes is available online at https:www.highwaysafety.org/pubs.htm.

‘Ute Suite: We think it’s wrong to use “sport-utility vehicle” as a catchall name for everything with four wheels that isn’t obviously a car or a pickup. There are actually several kinds of utility vehicles, or “utes,” out there.

“Sport-ute” should be reserved for four-wheel-drive utility vehicles that really are (or can be) sporty: Jeeps, Ford Explorers, Nissan Xterras, Isuzu Rodeos and the like.

The new crop of four-door compact pickups from Nissan, Dodge and Ford ought to be called “short-utes” because of their truncated beds.

Perhaps “cute-ute” would work for mini-utilities like Honda’s CR-V and Suzuki’s Grand Vitara.

And “brute-ute” seems perfect for Goliaths such as the AM General Hummer, Chevy Suburban and Ford Excursion, which are way too big and bulky ever to be seen as sporty.

Not on My Budget: You won’t find Mercedes-Benz’s new CL500 at many dealerships yet, but if you just can’t wait to give the $85,500 super-coupe a try, the wryly named Budget Rent a Car of Beverly Hills already has one in its rental fleet of specialty and luxury vehicles.

Ken Kerzner, Budget Beverly Hills’ president, says the first of several CLs he has ordered arrived in mid-December and was immediately rented for six weeks to an “international businessman” wintering in La-La Land.

Oh, the CL rents for $600 a day--but, hey, that does include tax.

Hotties for the Heavy Hitters: Wondering what the glitterati drive when the Rolls or Ferrari sits in the garage and it’s time for a night on the town? Here are the top 10 specialty vehicle rentals at Budget Beverly Hills (and, yes, you can get a Toyota Camry there too):

1. Porsche Boxster convertible.

2. BMW Z3 convertible.

3. VW New Beetle subcompact.

4. Volvo C70 convertible.

5. Lincoln Navigator SUV.

6. Jaguar S-Type luxury sedan.

7. Mercedes SLK230 convertible.

8. Lincoln Continental luxury sedan.

9. Chevrolet Corvette convertible.

10. Mercedes-Benz ML320 SUV.