LAUGH LINES

With a Little Help From His Friend: Gary Bauer, the head of the conservative Christian organization the Family Research Council, says he’s running for president. “I guess you can’t say he doesn’t have a prayer.” (Daily Scoop)

Change the Channel: On “Meet the Press,” one senator expressed concern that calling witnesses to testify in the Senate chamber would turn the trial into the “Jerry Springer Show.” “Hey, whatever it takes to add a little dignity to the proceedings.” (Dennis Miller)

Flashback: After the Super Bowl, TV coverage showed thousands of people being tear-gassed for refusing to disperse. “Fox titled it ‘That ‘60s Show.’ ” (Argus Hamilton)

And the Winner Is: Broncos quarterback John Elway won the Super Bowl’s Most Valuable Player Award. “Meanwhile, Eugene Robinson was handed the Hugh Grant trophy.” (Jerry Perisho)

It’s All Becoming Clear Now: The Y2K glitch could potentially cause computers and all kinds of electrical equipment to malfunction at the turn of the century, bringing everything to a halt. “Know what this means? This is the change the Amish have been waiting for. Global domination!” (Jay Leno)

Easy Does It: Pat Boone has formed a record company that will exclusively feature older artists. “When you play the records backward, they say, ‘AARP rules.’ ” (Paul Ecker)

Jackpot: Actor Max Baer is opening a casino. “I understand it’s being financed by Mr. Drysdale.” (Rudolph J. Cecera)

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