Poster Children for Your Inadequacies

Question from Jan. 5:

Despair Inc. offers products to “help people become more successful simply by lowering their expectations.” What words and accompanying images would you suggest the company use to accomplish this goal?

“Image: Portrait of Sigmund Freud. Words: ‘You don’t have a complex--you are inferior.’ ”

--ROBERT STEIN, Westwood

“Image: A man looking back over his shoulder into the void. Caption: ‘Just because you aren’t paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not after you.’ ”

--D.L. BURKHART, via Internet

“A poster titled ‘Disgrace’ depicts Monica Lewinsky with red collagen lips and a cigar on a street corner in Hollywood. The caption reads, ‘Be All That You Can Be.’ ”

--SHARON KARP, Los Angeles

“Picture: Close-up of shoe about to step onto pile left by large dog. Caption: ‘The longest journey doesn’t always start with a single step.’ ”

--WERNER HAAS, West Hollywood

“Two women walk out of ‘Divorce Court’ building, one sobbing. [There is a] mushroom cloud on the horizon. Caption: ‘Hey, it’s not the end of the world!’ ”

--PETER WADE, West Hollywood

“A picture of a sexy lady holding a bottle of Viagra and saying, ‘If it’s not me, you can always imagine it’s me.’ ”

--EMMANUEL RUSTIA, Chino Hills

The question for Jan. 12:

Following 70 years of courtship, Popeye and Olive Oyl are getting married. What other make-believe couples should tie the knot?

Send replies of 25 words or fewer to Smart Aleck, in care of So Cal Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053, or e-mail to socalliving@latimes.com. Include your name and hometown. Replies will appear next week.