Finally, Preachers for Robot Choirs

Robots for Christ: A Georgia preacher has built seven robots to help him spread God’s message. The microchip ministers are led by a $250,000 mechanical Apostle Paul that shakes hands, crosses its legs, wiggles its foot and delivers a 13-minute sermon about Paul’s conversion on the road to Damascus.

The Rev. Bob Wamsley, 73, said he developed the team of Bible-believing androids after seeing an animatronic Abe Lincoln at Disney World.

In a related story, a Christian group in Tracy, Calif., has created a 110-foot-tall, hot-air balloon Jesus that wears a purple robe with gold trim and is touring the U.S.

Door-to-Door Deer Department: Armed with an endless supply of cookies, Girl Scouts have long monopolized the pleading-child fund-raising market. Now, Boy Scouts have found a way to counter that success: deer antlers.

In Jackson, Wyo., Troop 200 has reportedly raised tens of thousands of dollars by selling elk antlers for up to $2,000 each.

No word on whether the antlers are available in a Thin Mint version.

Lame Play-on-Words Bureau: We were disappointed to hear that Bryan Adams is opening for the Rolling Stones in Anaheim next month. We were rooting for the ‘70s group Styx, so it would be the Styx and Stones tour.

Dream of the Week: Our pregnant friend Melissa Balmain, who describes herself as “rapidly approaching the size of a single-family igloo,” told us about a recent dream her mother had in which Balmain gave birth to an embroidered throw pillow. In the dream, the doctor said, “Hey, it happens. Where did you think throw pillows came from, anyway?”

Apples and Oranges Bureau: In case anyone actually cares whether L.A. or New York is superior, the February issue of Los Angeles magazine offers the following statistics:

* Number of police: 9,730 in Los Angeles versus 39,295 in New York.

* Licensed taxis: 1,941 in L.A.; 11,787 in New York.

* Mayor’s salary: $1 for Richard Riordan; $165,000 for Rudy Giuliani.

* Plastic surgeons: 209 out here versus 243 back there.

* Starbucks outlets: 41 in L.A.; 61 in New York.

* Bookstores: 800-plus in the Big Orange versus 500-plus in the Big Apple.

To this report, we feel compelled to add a new supermarket tabloid study that supposedly found that “only one in five New Yorkers has ever smelled freshly mowed grass, 50% have never seen a dog in the flesh and 80% couldn’t tell the difference between a rabbit and a rat.” The survey also said only two in five New Yorkers believe there are places on Earth where a person can walk more than 10 feet without bumping into somebody else.

Best Supermarket Tabloid Story: “Sex-Change Operations for Pets!” (Weekly World News)

What’s next? Species-change surgery for a cat trapped inside the body of a dog?

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Roy Rivenburg’s e-mail address is roy.rivenburg@latimes.com. Unpaid Informants: Wireless Flash News Service, https://www.ship-of-fools.com. Off-Kilter runs Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, but we are considering surgery because we’re really a Tuesday-Thursday-Sunday column trapped in a Monday-Wednesday-Friday body.