Testing How Well You Communicate With Each Other

On her Web site, Celia Straus offers quizzes to help mothers learn how well they are communicating with their daughters, and other quizzes to help kids with various aspects of spirituality. Here are some examples:

A QUIZ FOR MOMS

How connected are you to your teenage daughter? As your daughter grows into a teenager, your ability to communicate with her grows less and less. Those connections that held your relationship together are breaking down. Take this quiz to find out how well you’re handling the breakdown:

1. When you ask her how school was, she shrugs silently and turns away. You:

a) Ask again, louder, and demand an answer.

b) Dismiss her silence as “typical” and remind yourself not to ask next time.

c) Wait awhile, go find her and “break the ice” by telling her something about your day.

2. You have an argument about what she’s wearing that turns into a screaming match. She flees into her bedroom and slams the door shut. You:

a) Pound on the door, telling her to open it this minute.

b) Wait until she opens the door and then tell her that if she doesn’t change her clothes, she’s not going out.

c) Knock on the door and offer a compromise: If she’ll change the most offending item of clothing, she can go out.

3. You know she has a history test tomorrow and she hasn’t studied, but she insists on watching “Dawson’s Creek.” You:

a) Turn the TV off and tell her to go study.

b) Let her watch and suffer the consequences of not studying for the test. Maybe a poor grade will teach her she should do her homework.

c) Turn the TV off and offer to go over the history content with her. If the program’s still going on when you’re finished, she can watch it.

4. You know from the ton of cover-up on her face and the angry tone of her voice that her face has broken out and she’s in despair about it. You:

a) Ignore the problem since there’s nothing you can do about it anyway.

b) Remind her that inner beauty is what counts.

c) Indicate your understanding of her embarrassment by listing reasons why her face might have broken out (stress, menstrual period) and then share a similar cosmetic burden you had as a teenager.

5. From the time she comes home from school, she is on the phone. No one else in the family can receive or make calls. You:

a) Forbid her to use the phone until after all her homework is done and only if no one else needs to use it.

b) Put in a separate line just for her.

c) Negotiate a schedule for the whole family by setting limits in writing on the times and number of phone calls anyone can make and receive in an evening.

Scoring:

Mostly A’s--Your connections with your daughter could be improved. You may be taking an approach that is either too direct or too passive. You may not be taking enough time. Building connections takes time, but the time it takes is well spent when you consider the hours of arguing or worrying you will avoid. If you want her to be more open, then you need to be, even if it’s hard.

Mostly Bs--You connect with your daughter but mostly on your terms, and the results may be frustrating at times. A more objective approach that balances a better understanding of her needs and wants with yours and the family’s might work better. Successful communication is two-thirds listening and one-third trust.

Mostly Cs--Your connections with your daughter are still pretty strong, not because you are a supermom but because you recognize and respect the changes she is going through. You know you can’t solve all her problems, but she still trusts you enough to tell you what they are, and that’s half the battle already won.

A QUIZ FOR KIDS

Do you get what you pray for? Choose the answer that sounds most like you.

1. You suddenly feel happy because you have supportive parents and fabulous friends who think you’re the best. You:

a) Dismiss your happiness because you know you don’t deserve it.

b) Distrust your happiness because you know it won’t last.

c) Feel a surge of gratitude for your moment of happiness.

2. Why can’t anyone see that you’re depressed and scared about every single aspect of your life? You:

a) Live with your fears bottled up inside you because no one understands.

b) Pretend to yourself that things are fine and fake a smiling face to the world.

c) Believe that if you can substitute faith in yourself and in God for fear and desperation, you’re going to be OK. In fact, you’re going to win.

3. It’s a hard choice, and your stomach’s in knots. The more you try to figure out what to do, the more confused you get. You:

a) Ask everyone else his or her opinion about what you should do and then go with the majority.

b) Become paralyzed and avoid making the choice completely.

c) Listen to your heart because you know the answer has to come from within for you to live with your decision.

4. You are totally overwhelmed by your own insignificance. You want to believe there is a purpose for your life, but you haven’t a clue. You:

a) Ignore this feeling until it goes away.

b) Watch “The X-Files” for the answer.

c) Believe you have a mission in life that you’ll find when you’re ready as long as you keep an open, inquiring mind.

5. “Stressed” doesn’t begin to describe the pressure you’re under. You don’t have the time to finish half the stuff you should. You:

a) Whine that your parents and teachers are “in your face” and it’s not your fault they piled it on.

b) Swear to yourself that you’re going to get everything done even if it means going without sleep.

c) Find a calm quiet place where you can chill and look at the big picture.

Scoring:

Mostly A’s--You’re probably not getting what you pray for. People who get what they pray for don’t ask or bargain; they thank, rejoice, trust and believe. Think of three things that you did today that made you feel good about yourself. Then trust that you’ll do them again tomorrow, only better.

Mostly Bs--You sometimes get what you pray for, but your prayers could be more productive. Your prayers are coming from your head, not from your heart. Listen to your inner voice and then have faith that God is listening as well.

Mostly Cs--You often get what you pray for because you’re a spiritual person. You know how to pray. You’ve gotten to where you are by having faith in yourself and trusting that you are part of a divine plan.