After Three Decades, Were You Expecting the Python Inquisition?

If you enjoy uttering, apropos of nothing at all, “Bring me a shrubbery” in a shrill English accent and if you and your friends like to shriek “Run away!” on nearly any occasion, then you’ll surely work yourself into a froth over the Monty Python monomania that abounds on the Web.

And as any good Monty enthusiast knows, there is currently a plethora of Python products in the marketplace to coincide with the 30th anniversary of the genesis of the Monty Python brigade.

For those who are unacquainted with the antics of the six silly chaps who revolutionized television 30 years ago, this month the A&E; channel has brought the brilliantly bizarre comedy series “Monty Python’s Flying Circus” back to cable. Oh yes, and there’s a tie-in PythonShop Web site at https://www.PythonShop.com, where you can spend, spend, spend; sample snippets and sign up to get spam, spam, spam, regular Python updates and spam; plus special offers, promotions and spam.

There may be a blubbery oddball infant waving the “not dead yet” flag at the official Python cyber sphere (http//www.pythonline.com/), but the site is certainly somewhat under the weather. Many corners of the site are shut down, under construction or, as the Games page puts it, “Piss Off (Come back later when we’re finished).”

A welcome from a cheeky Queen of England begins, “The Python boys have always been very good to me, providing me with hours of entertainment during the long dark days I have had to rule over this miserable little island. ‘I’m a Lumberjack and I’m OK,’ I used to sing to that demented Thatcher woman when she came round eyeing the furniture.”

Also up and running is the Spam Club, where members can opt to “change their star sign,” abuse friends or “be a silly organ donor.” You can donate unlikely body parts to friends via e-mail (“the parts I cannot reach” and the “naughty bits” are two selections).

Or visit the abuse message center, where it is promised that “all the abuse in this site is hand-tooled executive abuse, hand-honed from the bile of professional writers.” Like the Shakespearean Insulter (https://www.pangloss.com/seidel/Shaker/), this engine allows users to select from a list of saucy slurs, outrageous adjectives and morally offensive epithets such as “I wave my private parts at your aunties.”

Equally absurd but somewhat less surly is an astrology zone that allows bored Aries, Aquarians and Leos to adopt a Monty star sign such as Parrot, Lumberjack Newt or Nobby. What does the Lobster star sign portend? “You get steamed easily, and you cost a lot. You’ll need a bib, especially in your old age.”

The Web site is rumored to be relaunching in the fall. In the meantime, the Internet teems with fan sites such as the Daily Llama (https://www.DailyLlama.com/home.html), a less-than-daily update of all things Python, including an encyclopedia, a bibliography, news and some of Terry Gilliam’s super-duper wacko animations.

With a gazillion sounds and scripts available, Monty Python.net (https://www.MontyPython.net/) may be the biggest repository for Monty Python memorabilia (and “Fawlty Towers,” the BBC sitcom starring John Cleese). Beginning this weekend, the site will feature the Internet’s only live Monty Python trivia game. If you have an IRC (Internet relay chat) program and an hour to waste, you can indulge, along with other Python aficionados, ad nauseam, in the pursuit of Python trivia. Gleefully gorge yourself in the recollection of legendary scenes like Arthur’s duel with the appendageless, blood-spouting, ever-fighting black knight or beloved characters like the knights who say Ni.

Another site from which to summon tommyrot Pythonacity are Mr. Gumby’s Python page (https://members.aol.com/MAWGumby1/python.html), where you can exchange, twaddle and piffle with like-minded nimrods. From here, you can also access the Monty Python WebRing, known as “The Spanish Inquisition.” Other sites include the Fairly Incomplete and Rather Badly Illustrated Monty Python Web Site (https://www.geocities.com/TelevisionCity/4766/). When you arrive at the site, there’s an amusing faux error message promising to annoy and irritate.

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Erika Milvy writes about arts, entertainment and popular culture from her home in San Francisco. She can be reached at erika@well.com.