LAUGH LINES
On the Campaign Trail: In New York, Hillary Clinton launched her bid for the Senate with what she called a listening tour. “This is a new skill. Ever since she got married, she’s lived by one rule: The less she hears, the better.” (Argus Hamilton)
On the Campaign Trail II: A noticeably more tan Al Gore has been on the stump. “Actually it’s not a real tan. It’s that Murphy’s Oil Soap. You rub it in the wood to give it that golden finish.” (Jay Leno)
Singing the Blues: Elton John had an electronic pacemaker inserted in his heart. “It goes with his electric boots and mohair suits.” (Gary Easley)
*
The Essential
David Letterman
Signs you’re watching a bad monster movie:
10. End comes when monster slips and falls while running with a pair of scissors.
7. In close-ups, you can see the word “Mattel” on monster’s foot.
4. Includes the dialogue, “Walk for your lives!”
3. The monster leaves cotton stuffing in its path.
1. His foot is the size of a human foot.
Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.
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