What’s the Perfect Gift for Pop? Ask Him

If you’ve looked at Father’s Day cards recently, you’ll notice that society defines fatherhood in odd ways. Judging by card themes, you can break dad down into a few categories:

There is dad the tool guy--a Bob Vila-esque character who wields power drills and electric sanders, able to build tall bookcases in a single day.

There is dad the golfer or dad the fisherman, who lives for weekends with his clubs or tackle.

There is dad the generic working man, exemplified by a generic shirt and tie.

And, in the last few years, there has been the emergence of the warm, fuzzy dad, usually pictured nuzzling some towheaded newborn.

I don’t know about you, but none of these describes our dad. In fact, the last time we saw our father with a hammer he was using it to crack a lobster.

Anyway, all this demonstrates that if it’s difficult finding a card, choosing a Father’s Day gift that suits him can be even tougher. Stores promote the usual suspects--shirts, ties, wallets, slippers, funky after-shave that reeks from blocks away.

But most dads we know aren’t two-dimensional, defined by an article of clothing or a piece of sports equipment.

How, then, do we shop for this complex individual? We can find out what dad really wants through an ancient yet effective technique of communication: Ask him.

Men, for the most part, like a direct approach. You can see it in the way they shop. They go to the store, find the blue blazer, buy the blue blazer, take the blue blazer home. It’s pretty much how his Stone Age forefathers operated: Go out, find an animal, kill the animal, take the animal home.

So don’t hint about gifts, and don’t ask him for hints. “Dad, what would you like for Father’s Day?” usually works best.

Suggest he take time and think about it, lest he rattle off, “Oh, a tie would be nice,” which could mean he really would like a tie, or he doesn’t want to put you out so he just says a tie, or he’s too tired and stressed to think of something he’d really like.

You can opt for the easy way out and get a tie, or make Father’s Day special by doing some homework. We suggested this for Mother’s Day gifts, but it applies to dads as well: Find out what dad was all about before you came along. Maybe he loved to listen to Cuban music, stroll through modern art museums, hit some balls in a batting cage or just spend the afternoon reading. Ask him, ask your mother, other relatives, friends or find some old photographs to see what pop was up to.

Give him the resources and the time to do these things again, and you’ll be persona most grata.

Here’s another fact about dads: They like practical gifts. Things they can use. Little tchotchkes that gather dust are probably not high on his list--unless he’s a collector, and then those tchotchkes mean something. Finding a special piece to add to his model train / old coin / Howdy Doody memorabilia collection will definitely win you points.

If it’s clothes he wants, don’t update his wardrobe with a Calvin Klein microfiber zip-front jacket if he’s the cardigan sweater type. If pop’s into motorcycle leather and you get a notion he’d be better off in an L.L. Bean plaid flannel shirt, forget it. Dad is dad, and you’re not going to change him. Your best bet is to get him more of the same of what he already has.

Fathers also appreciate handmade gifts. We love men who proudly display the crooked clay pencil holder their kid made, or frame their child’s artwork. Even if you’re artistically challenged you can still do something--try making a scrapbook of things you’ve done together. A gift that lets dad know he’s appreciated and needed is the one he’ll treasure most.

If you really want to make your father feel great, ask him for some advice on the stock market, cars, hybrid roses--anything he’s familiar with. Dads love to give advice. But don’t lay it on too thick--fathers have a well-honed suck-up detector that will go off the minute he senses a lack of sincerity.

Moms, don’t forget that you’re not off the hook here. Yes, you have to get him a gift, and we made the same admonishment to dads on Mother’s Day: You honor him because he is the father of your children. So skip the weed whacker and go for something he’ll really enjoy, like . . . steaks. He’ll love you even more for it.

Write to Fashion Police, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053, fax to (213) 237-4888, or send e-mail to socalliving@latimes.com.