LAUGH LINES

On the Campaign Trail: Formally declaring his candidacy for president last week, Al Gore said, “I love this country with all my heart.” “And the country responded that they like Gore, but they still want to see other candidates.” (Jon Stewart)

On the Campaign Trail II: Protesters interrupted Gore’s speech. “Their sinister plot backfired, however, when their whistles failed to summon the squirrels trained to climb the candidate and store nuts in his face.” (Stewart)

Foreign Movie Policy: President Clinton was in Europe last week trying to get started on the rebuilding of Yugoslavia. “He said the No. 1 urgency is to locate all the war orphans and make sure they do not sneak into any R-rated movies.” (Bill Maher)

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The Essential David Letterman

Stores where the royal couple is registered:

10. Everything Scepters

8. The Thatcher Image

7. Old Navy That Gets Defeated in the Falklands

6. Inbreedingdale’s

5. Queen Victoria’s Secret

3. I Can’t Believe It’s Not Blood Pudding

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.