LAUGH LINES
One Big Happy Family: Laker Kobe Bryant says he’s not feuding with Shaquille O’Neal and that O’Neal is like a big brother to him. “This is gonna work out great. Now with Dennis Rodman around, Kobe’ll have a big brother and a big sister.” (Jay Leno)
Teacher Troubles: According to “Inside Edition,” Mary Kay LeTourneau has threatened the teen father of two of her children with “automatic castration” if he sees other women. “Plus he’ll have to write 100 times on a blackboard, ‘I will not cheat on my nutty teacher. I will not cheat on my nutty teacher.’ ” (Daily Scoop)
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The Essential
David Letterman
Top ways Y2K will affect Disney World
9. Screwed up computers report EuroDisney turning a profit.
5. When you wish upon a star . . . not a damn thing happens.
4. Unexpected power surge brings an angry Walt Disney back to life.
3. “Main Street Electrical Parade” becomes “Main Street Two Guys With Plastic Flashlights Parade.”
2. Ticket machine accidentally dispenses day passes for less than $600.
1. Two words: catapulting teacups.
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