Wheel-Life Stress

The muscular blond stood breathless at the intersection in Marina del Rey, flexing her fists, moving her in-line skates in place as she eyeballed the traffic light nervously. She looked over and scowled at several cyclists who had joined her on the path.

I knew right away she would try to outrun us.

Sure enough, when the light changed, she took off, flailing her big arms and body like some puffed-up professional wrestler, struggling to gain speed. As I moved past on her right, I took a blow to the chest from one of her windmilling fists.

“Hey, you jerk!” Wrestler Girl screamed at me! “Get the hell out of the way!”

I looked back and prepared an insult of my own but thought better of it.

“Nice to meet you, too,” I said.

Such charming encounters are becoming a fact of life along the 21-mile Los Angeles County bicycle path, a beach-side wonder that snakes along the sand from Torrance north to Pacific Palisades.

The reason for these incidents, of course, is overkill. As with L.A.’s hyper-crowded freeways, there are simply too many people competing for space each weekend and warm weekday evenings along the 14-foot-wide ribbon of concrete. An estimated 1.5 million use the path every year, and many of them don’t know or don’t choose to abide by even the simplest rules.

They are, as Wrestler Girl so delicately put it, jerks.

Just like her.

I’m talking about all the runners, joggers, speed-walkers, skateboarders and in-line skaters who act as though they own the bicycle path and who don’t give the slightest thought that there might be other people out there looking for a little unimpeded workout space in the warm California sunshine.

And they aren’t all tourists, but locals--people who should know better.

Forgive me if I sound a bit territorial. But the beach path was designed exclusively for bicyclists when it was built back in the ‘70s as a way to let us take a breather from the tension and exhaust fumes of automobile traffic. All but a one-mile segment in Pacific Palisades and a two-mile stretch in Hermosa Beach bear “Bicycles Only” signs.

That means the rest of you are intruders. The least you could do is show a little consideration.

*

Lifeguards estimate that half of the 2,000 first-aid calls at the beach each year involve injuries on the bike path. It’s time to use a little common sense out there.

On any weekend, negotiating the path is a hair-raising experience. Like in some whacked-out driver’s ed video, the numbskulls, cretins and stooges don’t even bother to look as they lurch out in every direction: Entire gawking families are strung out across the path; bare-chested joggers weave in and out of lanes; skateboarders are towed by dogs on leashes, and surfers walk mindlessly with their boards broadside across traffic, like misguided Keystone Kops.

The biggest offenders are the in-line skaters. I can’t count the number of times I’ve had to brake suddenly behind some guy out for his first wobbly, herky-jerky ride, his arms outstretched unsteadily as he blocks traffic, trying to hold hands with his accident-waiting-to-happen, in-line skating girlfriend.

The bigger menace, though, is the veteran Blader, the idiot who acts like he’s training for the Freestyle In-Line Olympics. While they have the technical aspects of their sport down cold, these characters insist on showing off in typical L.A. poseur style, doing “hey, look at me!” pirouettes, skating backward, bleeding across both lanes of the bike path--often wearing stereo headphones, oblivious to the world.

It’s illegal in this state to drive a car wearing headphones, and for good reason. Decked out in their brightly colored, tight-fitting Spandex uniforms, often sporting five-wheel in-line skates with no brakes, these fools think they’re so proficient, so smooth, that they don’t need to hear the “on your left!” warnings of people who might come up behind them.

Wrong.

*

And another thing.

Answer me this: Why would any parent in his or her right mind allow a 3-year-old to pedal a tricycle absent-mindedly down the bike path on a busy weekend morning? Can’t these people see that their kids are causing near-collisions at every turn? Do these parents know what it’s like to suddenly come up upon one of these tykes, not knowing whether the kid is going to lurch suddenly to the right or the left?

In California and elsewhere, you have to be 16 before you can drive a car on the road. I think a “Nobody Under 12” clause should apply to the bike path. There are a million unfettered parking lots where little Trevor and Sydney can pedal away to their hearts’ delight. Just keep them off the busy trail.

Equally perilous are the sun-dazzled types who venture to or from the beach, walking across the path without even looking, as though they’ve just emerged from some Far Side cartoon, causing collisions and injuries. Would they dream of walking across some busy road without looking? What makes the bike path any different?

In fact, the only fatality on the path occurred when a pedestrian bolted out in front of a cyclist near the busy Santa Monica Pier. The walker died after four years in a coma. So think about that, people, next time you step out onto the path.

*

OK. Nobody here is really suggesting that all non-cyclists be banned from the bike path. And, yes, bikes cause their share of headaches as well. Some people, including myself, sometimes go too fast for conditions.

My point is simply that everyone needs to give the right of way once in a while.

The other day, I was bicycling north along the path in Pacific Palisades when I spotted a woman walking toward me with two friends. She was clearly in the middle of my lane, looking directly at me--waiting, I guess, for me to veer around her, which normally I would do, except this time there wasn’t room.

So we played this idiotic game of bike path chicken, each of us refusing to give an inch until she finally stepped aside, calling into my ear as I passed: “Jerk!”

I wanted to stop and ask her: “Lady, do you drive down the wrong side of the freeway, shouting insults at people who fail to get out of your way?”

But maybe my solution is to avoid the bike path entirely. Or join the crowd and have that partial lobotomy.

And take up in-line skating.