Words Don’t Fail Iowans When Describing State

Maybe the middle of a March blizzard--wind screeching, snow whipping, visibility about zero--was not the best time to ask folks here how they feel about the state’s tourism slogan: “Iowa, you make me smile.”

“How about, ‘Iowa, you make me shiver’?” groused Floridian Joe Marino, here for a conference on keeping a positive attitude at work. “I’ll never come back here again.”

Awaiting her boyfriend’s long-delayed flight at the airport, graduate student Mel Hensen, a Minnesota native only temporarily living in Iowa, also pooh-poohed the slogan’s cheery promise. “I do not think it’s very appropriate,” she said, scanning the frosty windows. “It doesn’t seem to have anything to do with the way Iowa really is.”

Even the state’s new governor has to agree. That is, he agrees the slogan has to go. But not because he thinks it’s inaccurate. No, Gov. Tom Vilsack wants to ax “Iowa, you make me smile” because it doesn’t say much of anything. It’s friendly, sure, but vapid. It veers dangerously close to goofy. Vilsack would prefer to portray his state as energetic, purposeful, creative--and a darned nice place to raise your kids.

Vilsack is so down on the smile slogan, in fact, that he refuses to put his name to the 67 highway signs that use it to welcome visitors to Iowa. State crews have already covered up former Gov. Terry E. Branstad’s name, but Vilsack won’t let them fill in the blanks. Not until Iowa comes up with a slogan he can link his name to with pride.

If he has any ideas on what that new motto should be, Vilsack isn’t telling. He is, however, accepting suggestions.

And is he ever getting them.

Should he decide on a self-deprecating, hang-dog kind of approach, he could pick “Iowa: It’s shorter than Nebraska” or “Iowa: The flyover state.” Or perhaps he could lure tourists with “Iowa: It’s not as flat as you think.”

If he’d prefer to emphasize Iowa’s agricultural bounty, Vilsack could tout his state as “The Grain Belt buckle.” And if pork prices rebound, he could go for the optimistic “Iowa: High on the Hog.”

Iowa’s economic development office tries to woo businesses with the slogan “The smart state.” Vilsack could build on that cerebral image with “Iowa: A state of minds.” Does he want to stress family life? How ‘bout “A great place to grow.” Or maybe he prefers some wry, Midwest humor. “Iowa: Kansas without the glitz.”

These suggestions, and 2,000 others, have poured into Vilsack’s office and been printed in the Des Moines Register since he disclosed his anti-smile stance in January.

Vilsack would have liked to stir up some debate on his education package, or maybe his health care proposals. But, spokeswoman Aida Amoura said with a groan, “We got more response from this than from anything else.”

Rather than decide the state motto by fiat, Vilsack has chosen to invite a panel of high school seniors to whittle the contenders to a top five. He then hopes newspapers around the state will print up ballots so Iowans everywhere can vote. The winner will be unveiled at the state fair this summer.

No matter what the choices, of course, some Iowans are bound to frown on junking the “You make me smile” campaign.

For one thing, printing up new publicity material could cost $100,000, said Nancy Landess, the state’s tourism chief. And the smile motto “reflects the people of our state,” said Jeff Wolcott, who has lived in Iowa all his 39 years. “We’re friendly.” There’s still another reason to hesitate before tinkering with Iowa’s happy-face welcome: The new slogan could be even worse.

Tennessee underplays its hand with a shy “Sounds good to me.” Maryland tries to turn its scrunched size into a plus and ends up sounding like a strip mall: “So many things to do, so close together.” Illinois aims for a getaway feel, but “A million miles from Monday” makes it seem quite a trek. And then there’s New Jersey. Its motto--”New Jersey and you . . . perfect together”--conveys the desperate eagerness of a mother trying to persuade you to date her geeky child.

Given the potential alternatives, Wolcott is inclined to stick with “Iowa, you make me smile.” “It works for me,” he said. And smiled.