OSCAR VOICES

Bill and Monica

“We’re coming to you live from Hollywood, the town that invented lying about sex.”

*

“I feel I need to get all this out of my system right now, so here goes:

Subpoenas, cigars, black berets, DNA.

Interns, rug burns, Henry Hyde, gratified.

Prime-time confession, jury in session.

Mr. Trent Lott, out, out, damn spot.

Acquired immunity, which is a deficient syndrome.

Talking points, approval ratings, phone sex, dating.

Stop hanging out in Betty Currie’s driveway, I mean, let that bitch get in to her car.

Will the gentleman yield?

Larry Flynt, Bob Barr, Ken Starr, har har har.

$50 million down the drain and for that kind of money we could’ve made five good movies, which is what tonight is really all about.”

*

“This was also a very big year in animation. Computers helped make bugs and ants completely lifelike. They couldn’t do jack for the House Judiciary Committee.”

*

“Our next presenter could be seen in ‘Primary Colors,’ in which he played a president so convincingly that George Stephanopoulos is writing a tell-all book about him right now.”

WHOOPI GOLDBERG

****

“If President Clinton had sound effects editing when he said, ‘I did not sleep with that woman,’ he could’ve went back and said, ‘Cut that out.’ ”

CHRIS ROCK

*

Kazan

“Why is it every time I do this show I get the year with the controversy? . . . I thought the blacklist was me and Hattie McDaniel.”

WHOOPI GOLDBERG

*

“In terms of the Kazan controversy--let Lainie sing!”

ROBIN WILLIAMS

*

“It’s a big controversial night--the Kazan thing. I saw De Niro backstage. You better get Kazan away from De Niro, ‘cause you know he hates rats.”

CHRIS ROCK

*

“I want to thank the academy for its courage [and] generosity. . . . Thank you all very much. I think I can just slip away.”

ELIA KAZAN