Corporate Child’s Play
A pack of petulant, destructive children takes over an institution, engendering fear and leaving havoc in their wake. Sounds like a high school gang, but it’s really the top management of many American companies. Take this quiz to see if your firm’s leaders belong in the Juvenile Hall of Fame.
1) Your boss just led a brainstorming session focused on long-term strategic planning. At that meeting, company managers:
a) Projected where your industry is headed in the next five to 10 years and outlined what the firm must do to remain a viable competitor.
b) Decided to delay needed capital improvements so that your company can make its year-end numbers.
c) Agreed on purple trimmed in white for the company softball jerseys.
2) In order to encourage employees to keep improving their skills, your company:
a) Offers tuition reimbursement, time off for seminars or salary increases for industry certification in your field.
b) Brings in a motivational speaker once a year to rally the troops to get out there and sell, sell, sell.
c) Keeps bumping up the quota every year and axing laggards who can’t meet it.
3) Your company develops its next generation of leadership by:
a) Identifying promising candidates early and giving them increasing levels of responsibility.
b) Poaching hotshot up-and-comers from competitors, then waiting to see who fizzles out.
c) Checking to see if the last name on the resume is the same as the founder’s.
4) Your customer service department prides itself on:
a) Developing long-term customer loyalty by going the extra mile, even if it means spending a bit more time and money to solve a problem.
b) Figuring out how much service to give a client, based on that account’s immediate impact on the bottom line.
c) Keeping staffing costs low at the call center by calculating just how long customers will remain on hold before hanging up in disgust.
5) The chief executive’s philosophy can be summed up by:
a) “We can move mountains.”
b) “We can move our operations offshore.”
c) “We can move that stock price with another round of layoffs.”
6) The first three numbers on your sales manager’s speed dial belong to:
a) Clients
b) Underlings
c) His broker, his bookie, his masseuse
7) Your leaders define their mission as being accountable to:
a) Customers, employees, stockholders and the community
b) Wall Street analysts
c) Whoever signs their paycheck
8) Your boss views top managers whose opinions conflict with her own as:
a) The best defense against group think
b) A potential threat to her leadership
c) Volunteers for the next round of cutbacks
9) You can identify the latest fast-tracker at your firm by:
a) His frequent-flier mileage, well-worn suitcase and bloodshot eyes
b) The firm handshake, dazzling smile and snappy suit
c) The 8-by-10 glossy he hands you upon introduction
10) At the company picnic, your president’s favorite game is:
a) Team softball
b) Arm-wrestling
c) Pin the tail on the slacker
If your answers to most of the questions fell under the letter:
“a”: Your company is run by secure, seasoned adults who value customers, respect employees and know that you need to think beyond the moment to last a lifetime. Enjoy it while it lasts. They’ll likely be the target of a hostile takeover.
“b”: Your young and restless management team is perfecting the knee-jerk, results-now, damn-the-fundamentals style so revered in our culture. These Gordon Gekko wannabes are destined for the slammer, the cover of Fortune or the remake of “Wall Street.”
“c”: Sigmund Freud’s insights into infantilism read like a biography of your company’s top brass. These kiddie co-pilots cannot distinguish themselves from the mother ship that nurtures them. It’s all about their career, their power trip, their big fat pay day. Hang around just long enough for the IPO, cash in your stock options then hire a very expensive therapist to help you work through the whole experience.
