LAUGH LINES

First Things First: Elizabeth Dole withdrew from the presidential race. “Her election would have allowed Bob Dole to be America’s first man. It’s something archeologists have long suspected anyway.” (Argus Hamilton)

Home Sweet Home: “Escrow closed on the Clintons’ purchase of a new home in Chappaqua, N.Y. It’s a five-bedroom colonial with two fireplaces, a swimming pool--and plenty of room for Hillary to store her carpetbags.” (Jerry Perisho)

Smart Moves?: Pat Buchanan and Donald Trump left the GOP to join the Reform Party as presidential candidates. “The average IQ in both parties just went up 15 points.” (Perisho)

What’s His Name: “It appears that a New Hampshire senator became the latest political casualty when he abandoned his independent bid for the White House. Although the exact reasons for his withdrawal from the race are unclear, Sen. Bob Smith denies having a problem with name recognition.” (Adam Tschorn)

Ow. Ow. Ow!: “Scientists found out what causes pain in the brain for rats and mice. They think it may have something to do with the metal bar that hits them in the back of the head when they go for the cheese.” (Jay Leno)

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.