‘Shake, Rattle & Roll’: The Beat and Cliches Go On and On

The CBS miniseries “Shake, Rattle & Roll” is a memory in search of a story.

It’s Johnny Rockets with video, four hours of big beats and bigger cliches that opens in 1955 and advances through greasy ducktails, stiff bouffants, crinolines, bobby socks, jitterbugging and 45 rpm records with doughnut holes all the way to the Beatles and Rolling Stones invading the United States in 1963.

The initial setting is Swanson, a prim Missouri town where some clean-cut kids with a dream, God bless ‘em, have formed the HartAches, a kick-butt rock ‘n’ roll band that some locals believe plays harmful devil music.

These four high school seniors are definitely going places, however. You know that because each time they perform, even people who don’t give a hoot are compelled to stop what they’re doing, look up, snap their fingers, tap their feet and light up like jukeboxes. It’s a miracle.

And no wonder, for the gyrating lead singer is talented farm boy Tyler Hart (Brad Hawkins), and the pianist and songwriter for the HartAches is equally gifted and swell-looking Lyne Danner (Bonnie Somerville), who appears to have mastered every instrument but the kazoo.

After graduation, Tyler does the smart thing and dumps his mopey, controlling girlfriend for Lyne, and then these kids and their two sidemen are off to Memphis, where breaks immediately begin coming their way.

You wait for the other saddle Oxford to fall, and of course it does. With two nights to fill, however, there’s plenty of time for recovery, lots of familiar music and fleeting glimpses of rock ‘n’ roll giants, as this tale by director Mike Robe ultimately takes the HartAches to New York and predictable dates with greatness and real heartache.

As Tyler gets ever more successful and goes through his too-big-for-his-britches period, cracks appear in his pedestal.

Also showing up are those ruthless managers, the Gunns (Dana Delany and James Coburn). And as the plot, such as it is, makes a pit stop in the civil rights battlefield while grinding relentlessly toward its schmaltzy conclusion, Lyne’s close friend, Marsha (Samaria Graham), gains prominence.

In a way, this is “Forrest Gump” without Forrest. And even though the acting is earnest and watching “Shake, Rattle & Roll” surely won’t harm you, if you really, really like it, you may want to consider getting a life.

* “Shake, Rattle & Roll” airs at 9 p.m. Sunday and Wednesday on CBS. The network has rated it TV-PG (may not be suitable for young children).