As Bulls Go Down, They Gasp for Air

Seems like old times: Michael Jordan rejoined the Bulls last week. Of course, it was only for practice, after which he repeated he isn’t coming out of retirement, not that anyone paid any attention to that part.

In Chicago these days, its illusions are far more interesting than its basketball team is, or ever may be. The local sports editors held brief conferences on “how big to go” with the Jordan story and--surprise!-- decided to circle the wagons, as in days of yore.

The local Fox outlet replayed Jordan’s one-on-one game with Corey Benjamin. The Tribune ran a news story, lists of whimsical reasons why Jordan may and may not want to return, and a poll, asking readers where they thought he was most likely to play: Chicago, Houston (?), New York or Los Angeles.

Tribune columnist Skip Bayless not only speculated that Jordan would return but said he believed Jordan would talk Tim Duncan and Grant Hill into signing with the Bulls next summer.

“The mere thought of a lineup of Jordan, Duncan, Hill, Toni Kukoc and Elton Brand,” Bayless wrote, “makes me want to kiss Jerry Krause on the lips.”

Back on Earth, the Bulls were not merely struggling but pathetic, losing their first five by an average of 15 points, while playing three at home.

Rookie Brand is turning out to be what he looked like--OK but at 6-8, a tad short for a power forward, which is, unfortunately, the position he plays. In one game, Miami’s Alonzo Mourning blocked three of his shots.

After that game, Brand lamented, “I can’t ever recall being dominated like that.”

The Heat only beat them by 18. The next team in, the Suns, drilled them by 22.

Of course, in retrospect, it seems clear the Bulls’ best pick wasn’t Brand but Lamar Odom, even if Odom seemed like a risk.

However, Krause took a lot of fliers when the Bulls were finishing first and drafting 29th, and because he’s not generally considered the most kissable of general managers, the media took pleasure in throwing them back in his face. The result was that last spring, owner Jerry Reinsdorf told Krause to make a safe pick. They did and blew their big chance.

Nor are the other rescue scenarios the Bulls hold close to their heart looking good.

The Spurs got their new arena, so Duncan is unlikely to leave, much less for a big, cold, hysterical city. There goes the this-is-the-only-place-Tim-and-

Grant-can-play-together pitch.

Among soon-to-be free agents, it seems you’re no one until you announce you aren’t going to Chicago. Hill and Antonio McDyess said it last season, Eddie Jones and Maurice Taylor recently.

Said Odom, when someone mentioned he could have become a Bull, “I’m happy being a Clipper. It’s too cold in Chicago. It’s 75 degrees in L.A. now.”

You’re in trouble when Clippers are looking down on you, but it’s true: It’s a new, cold day in Chicago.

DEFENDING SHAQ FROM THE HORDES

Joe Louis had his Bum of the Month Club. Shaquille O’Neal has the NBA.

It’s getting intense as teams try that Spurs trick from last spring, lining up their big men and pointing them at O’Neal with orders to hack away until disqualification.

In Portland, Arvydas Sabonis, Jermaine O’Neal, Joe Kleine and Antonio Harvey committed 18 of their possible 24 fouls against O’Neal. This was especially impressive since Shaq left midway through the third quarter.

Then came two games against the Mavericks’ inimitable Don Nelson before the rumble with Charles Barkley, with Phil Jackson protesting the wave of hooliganism.

Of course, in a ’95 Bulls-Magic playoff series, Jackson had his four centers--Luc Longley, Bill Wennington, James Edwards and John Salley--tug on O’Neal, who shot 36 free throws in Games 1 and 2.

Making more would help, but after years of work with several coaches, O’Neal is more confused and his stroke is worse than ever, with the ball going up there harder and flatter, like a 95-mph Kevin Brown sinker. (If he really wanted to get even with Jermaine and Barkley, he’d wing them with free throws.)

Personally, I didn’t like it when O’Neal was in Orlando, I don’t like it now and if he goes to Portland and Jackson goes out and gets four more big men, I still won’t like it.

The league cleaned up flagrant fouls, a common tactic as late as the mid-’90s, when a less-bemused Pat Riley was preaching his “game of force” in New York and John Starks and Charles Oakley made a layup a life decision.

Unfortunately, it ignored intentional fouls, which were deemed “part of the game.” Grappling isn’t basketball and the heavier-handed it gets, the more obvious that becomes. What Nelson did made coaching sense, but as far as the game went, it was a joke that only highlighted a loophole the league needs to close.

FACES AND FIGURES

Still waiting for the crash: If the Lakers have all these problems with the triangle and power forward and Shaq’s free throws and Shaq’s availability and Kobe Bryant’s injury, etc., how have they managed to stay respectable? Try a new serious attitude, which was the most important thing Jackson had to offer them. Try defense: They were No. 25 last season, but No. 6 now.

Meet the new boss, not the same as the old boss: After three games, Minnesota’s Kevin Garnett was leading the league in scoring (33.3), rebounding (14.5), shooting 54% from the floor--and 54% on three-pointers--putting him in the NBA’s top 10 in all four categories. “I always get back to the Jordan thing,” Knick Coach Jeff Van Gundy said after Garnett beat them with a late shot while double-teamed. “I don’t think he wanted it more than everyone else. I just think he was better than most.”

After making his first start for the Hawks in a loss in Denver, Isaiah Rider went into one of his long stream-of-consciousness rants: “There’s no situation in which I can’t score. I’d rather go back to the Timberwolves . . . no, they’re pretty good right now. . . . I’d rather go back to, I don’t know . . . This is not a strong team. You got to give it to me. Everybody knows I score against double-teams my whole career. It’s Mitch [Richmond], Latrell [Sprewell] and Mike [Jordan]. I’m there with every one of the best two guards. Through good times, bad times. I know how to play the game. They need to make it happen and tonight I think is the turning point, whether they’re going to give it to me or whether they need to let me go. Bottom line is, a team like this, you gotta know who’s who and what’s what. This isn’t the Blazers where you spread it around. Or the Lakers. You gotta know who’s who and what’s what.” . . . The next game, Coach Lenny Wilkens put Rider back on the bench and J.R. moped through the Hawks’ first loss ever to the Grizzlies. “His performance was less than professional,” General Manager Pete Babcock said. “He knows how we feel about it.”

The honeymoon could be over: Bull Coach Tim Floyd: “If I had to do it all over again, I’d do it all over again. But once I get through this, I won’t do it again.” Insiders note that Floyd, in his second season, already sounds like Jackson.

Jordan attended one Bull game this season--in Atlanta, since, he noted, “It was easy to get here. Not that many people watch the games.” Jordan says the traffic in Chicago--picture the L.A. freeways but with tollbooths--is too tough. And this from Jordan on the Bulls’ future: “They chose the direction and they have to live with it.”

Professionalism: Shawn Kemp, whose demand to be traded triggered the SuperSonics’ long slide, on former teammate Gary Payton: “He’s handling this situation as well as possible. He’s a lot like me--still hungry, still young, still wants to compete. He misses what we used to have--and vice versa. But we have to go out and carry on our careers.”