Here’s When a Mile Is Really a Smile

Westsiders are known for their obsession with health and fitness. But still, Lou Rosenblate of West Hollywood was a bit surprised to read in the 1999 Beverly Hills Visitors Guide that the Beverly Hilton is “within walking distance” of “downtown Los Angeles, sunny warm beaches and three airports” (see accompanying).

And Disneyland’s just a cab ride away.

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AND DON’T FORGET TO BUY A THANKSGIVING TREE: I’ve placed a “Christmas decoration” in today’s column (see photo) as a subtle reminder that the holidays are here. It’s time to start your Thanksgiving gift shopping. But let’s not all walk over to Beverly Hills at once.

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SOUTHLAND MOVIE MOMENTS: Inspired by the recent list here of movies mentioning the San Fernando Valley, Gloria Krauss writes that in “The Very Thought of You” (1944), Dane Clark portrays a World War II soldier on leave in the L.A. area. He accidentally gets hit in the face by his girlfriend’s door and comments, “I had to come to Pasadena to get wounded.”

The Crown City, of course, has a glorious tradition in film.

In “A Star is Born” (1954), a maitre d’ discourages a tipsy James Mason from making a pass at one woman, informing Mason that “she’s Pasadena” (translation: “Lay off, buster, she’s high society”).

The city also merits a slightly less sophisticated mention in “L.A. Story” (1991), when inept weatherman Steve Martin says, “We’re going to have a low coming in over Pa Sad Na--sorry, that’s Pasadena.”

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YOUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK: A colleague phoned the office of the L.A. County tax collector and, after wading through menus and recordings, heard a recorded message that said all lines were busy, the wait would exceed 10 minutes, please call back between 5 and 7 p.m.

She called back at 6:45 that evening and heard a recording say, sorry, but the office is closed, it’s only open from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m.

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HARRUMPH FOR HOLLYWOOD! Jack Riley (Mr. Carlin in TV’s “Bob Newhart Show”) is starring in “Mr. Allen, Mr. Allen,” at the Whitefire Theater in Sherman Oaks. It’s a portrait of comic Fred Allen, a radio star of half a century ago whose quips about show business read like they were uttered five minutes ago.

Of television, Allen said: “They call it a medium because nothing on it is ever well done.” Another time, Allen said of the boob tube: “Imitation is the sincerest form of television.”

He wasn’t especially high on the Golden State either.

“California’s a wonderful place to live,” he said, “if you happen to be an orange.”

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GREAT MOMENTS IN TV: In his book, “The Father of Combat TV,” Orange County personality Wally George recalled this incident on “The Sam Yorty Show,” which he co-hosted with the former L.A. mayor:

Actor “Georgie Jessel came on to plug a new book. He was getting quite old, and he drank a lot. As he was leaving the stage following the interview, he fainted and collapsed on the floor. We all feared he had died. No way. His publicist, Stanley Cowan, hovered over Georgie, and finally he opened his eyes. I can still remember him looking up at Cowan and asking weakly, ‘Stan, did Sam remember to plug my book?’ ”

miscelLAny:

I read to my son Jamie’s first-grade class at Fremont Elementary School in Long Beach the other day and received a new pencil and a thank-you certificate in return. Afterward, Jamie’s teacher invited me to come back to read again, which pleased me. “Yes, you can read again,” Jamie told me later, “but we can’t give you prizes next time.” The lecture circuit can be brutal.

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Steve Harvey can be reached by phone at (800) LATIMES Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com