A School Prayer Addressing Kids’ Real Worries
School boards and parents are once again fussing about whether to allow prayer in schools. And if so, what kind of prayer? The U.S. Supreme Court says it will weigh in too.
Great. In the meantime, millions of school kids in daily need of assistance are stewing. They don’t know what they can say and what they can’t. So their entreaties go unanswered.
Until the courts decide what’s acceptable, here’s a stopgap prayer that addresses the needs of most school-age kids. It can be recited in short order, before the first school bell rings:
“Hi, it’s me again.
“First of all, thank you for the birds and trees and my family and stuff like that. Second, I was wondering if you could help me out on a few things. It’s not like they’re major major things, but to me they sort of are.
“You probably already know I didn’t study for my math test today. I wanted to--I really did--but I was totally busy last night on the phone and by the time I got free, it was too late. I’m not asking for a miracle like an A or anything, but would a B-minus be asking too much? I’d even settle for a C. Just, please, don’t let me flunk it or my parents will freak, and I might get suspended from volleyball. One specific question that I know will be on the test: What is the difference between an isosceles and scalene triangle?
“Also, how about a transfer out of Mr. McDougall’s geography class? It’s just not working out. I don’t think he likes me. Mrs. Grevey would be my first choice, but I’m not particular.
“Could you get Robert to stop picking on me at lunch? He calls me ‘Carrot Top’ because I have red hair, but one of my friends says he secretly likes me. Could you send me some kind of sign about that, so I know for sure?
“Our volleyball team has our toughest game of the year tomorrow, and some kids I used to go to school with play on the other team. I’d really really like to beat them, because they’ll rub it in if they win. I promise I won’t rub it in if you just let us win. And if it’s not asking too much, could you please let me play a good game? My parents are coming, and they get really nervous when they watch me.
“Speaking of my parents, they’ve been arguing a lot lately. It’s making my brother and me kind of crazy, and if there’s any way you could make them stop, especially during “Dawson’s Creek,” I would really appreciate it. They fight over the dumbest stuff, and sometimes they seem totally immature.
“I guess that’s about it. I don’t know if you’re hearing me or not. Some kids say praying is silly. But I know you came through big-time on my uncle’s operation last month--thank you a lot!-but not so great on me wanting tickets to the ‘N Sync concert. It seems you tend to operate on pretty much a 50-50 basis on things I ask for. Do you do that with everybody?
“The bell’s probably about to ring, so I have to go. I enjoy talking to you, and for what it’s worth I don’t think it’s uncool. And I’m not just saying that so you’ll give me more stuff.
“Bye for now and thanks for everything.
“Amen.
“Oh, I almost forgot, and maybe it’s too late for you to do anything about this . . . but could you somehow make me just a little prettier? Not beautiful, but maybe a little more like Jessica Bates in my homeroom class. If you could come through on this one, I’d be willing to take a C-minus on the test today.
“Amen again, and thanks.”
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Dana Parsons’ column appears Wednesday, Friday and Sunday. Readers may reach Parsons by calling (714) 966-7821 or by writing to him at the Times Orange County Edition, 1375 Sunflower Ave., Costa Mesa, CA 92626, or by e-mail to dana.parsons @latimes.com.
