That’s Not Your Final Answer

People are waking up all over America today feeling sluggish, fuzzy-headed and a little guilty. It’s not that third helping of candied yams they’re regretting, but the realization they spent 18 consecutive days watching “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire.”

After laboring for years to figure out how to inspire people to quit channel-surfing, the networks discovered all it took was a simple play-along game and maybe some creative bribery. Who knew?

Actually, maybe we should have. America loves to gamble, loves games and loves to see real people strike it rich. After feasting on a steady diet of TV stars who haul in seven-figure salaries only to gripe about their long hours, viewers apparently decided they’d just as soon see some regular schmo rake in that kind of dough.

The challenge now, of course, is how to keep that audience engaged and coming back before they experience “Millionaire” withdrawal, getting caught up in the holidays and other trivial pursuits (widely known outside of TV circles as “having a life”) or drifting to the myriad cable channels pulling them in several dozen different directions.

ABC has already witnessed how difficult this can be in the remote control age. Even during “Millionaire’s” astounding run viewers remained fickle, as millions found something better to do than hang around for “Snoops” or “Sabrina the Teenage Witch” as soon as Regis finished shouting over all the music and raucous applause.

“Millionaire” will be back sooner or later (ABC has yet to say precisely when), but until then programmers may want to consider if there are ways to use other programs to harness its magic elsewhere.

After all, people have been yelling at the TV for years--cheering on football players, grousing about when Calista Flockhart or Lara Flynn Boyle last had a decent meal, or wondering what kind of blackmail photos a producer must have had to place a particular sitcom on the air. College students have been way ahead in this department, developing elaborate drinking games to augment reruns of “The Mary Tyler Moore Show” and “The Bob Newhart Show,” tied to how many times characters say “Mary” or “Bob.”

Given that networks continue to struggle to come up with enough fabulous shows to fill six prime-time broadcast schedules, one wonders if such play-along elements couldn’t be used to brighten some of TV’s lesser lights--helping viewers to entertain themselves and at the same time keep tuning in.

Let’s not forget that radio stations have been doling out trips and cash to the 27th caller for decades to keep people listening. Thanks to the Internet and marketing-conscious phone companies (AT&T; certainly garnered ample exposure as “Millionaire’s” sponsor), it wouldn’t take much innovation to introduce a little extra incentive to view programs that might not otherwise be worth the time.

For starters, those college kids could funnel their energies into more productive endeavors, like counting up each time someone says “Drew” on “The Drew Carey Show” or “Norm” on that sitcom--especially if ABC were to reward a few lucky callers providing the right number with a case of beer.

Such contests and games are by no means limited to ABC. Fox could offer prizes after each “mythology” episode of “The X-Files” to anyone who comes up with the most satisfactory explanation of what in the hell is going on.

People proving they actually watched an entire episode of NBC’s “Veronica’s Closet” could qualify for cash or lingerie by calling in after the show and repeating three of what they assume to be jokes--each spaced by no less than five minutes--from that night’s installment.

Even some promising series seem tailor-made to this sort of interactivity. Fans of NBC’s White House drama “The West Wing” could cast votes regarding which female character would be most likely to wind up in a compromising situation were this the Clinton administration. The top vote-getter would be unveiled, as it were, when she is caught naked in the fictional president’s office during the February sweeps.

Other programs might hand out products tailored to their specific demographic. Those who predict how many of the undead “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” dispatches in a given episode, for example, could earn Clearasil or Pokemon cards.

On the other end of the spectrum, fans of CBS’ “Diagnosis Murder” could phone in once they have determined who the killer is, with random winners receiving a year’s supply of Viagra.

What if those viewers who abandoned “Snoops”--which ABC has been revising almost since ordering the show--could participate in that process via the Internet or a touch-tone phone? ABC has already confirmed that co-star Paula Marshall will be leaving in January, so let viewers choose what direction the show should take. (“Press 1 if you would like the program to be more dramatic. Press 2 if you would rather watch an altogether new series in which Gina Gershon reprises her role from the movie ‘Showgirls.’ Press 3 for ‘Bound.’ ”)

Had ABC ascertained these possibilities earlier the world might have been spared such shows as “Hiller and Diller” and “You Wish.” The network might also have thought twice before blindly chasing the creator of “Dawson’s Creek” in pursuit of a new hit, finding itself mired in a lot of Generation X angst known as “Wasteland” without a paddle.

Yet even “Wasteland” would take on a whole new element if you could ring in not only to select the most annoying characters but creative ways to get rid of them--in essence transforming the series from a sappy drama into “Scream: The Series.”

Granted, most couch potatoes probably don’t care to be all that active, but if they can push a button to change channels--and shout, “It’s ‘C,’ you idiot!” at “Millionaire” contestants--maybe they would push a couple more to make “Malcolm & Eddie” or “Popular” more of a hoot.

The best prime-time TV shows, of course, should still be left to the professionals. Thanks to “Millionaire,” however, all bets are off--unless, that is, the audience would like to wager about how many times they’ll say “Mike” on that night’s “Spin City.”