Baby Blues Come With the Job

Dear Vicki: I had a baby boy three months ago, and rather than feeling better physically and emotionally, I’m actually feeling worse than I did three days after his birth (which is saying a lot since he was a C-section!).

Don’t get me wrong; my husband and I adore our little Nathan. It’s just that I feel more confused, less fit and a lot less confident than I thought I would by now. I mentioned this to my obstetrician, but he didn’t seem very concerned.

Still, I don’t think that how I’m feeling is normal. What do you think?

--WALKING WOUNDED

Dear Walking: Heck, yes, your feelings are normal! Not that you’d know it by all the fairy tales and mommy mythology being passed around.

I imagine that while you were pregnant, you read every book on the subject and still believed that childbirth went something like this: eight hours of labor, a delivery that required no more medication than two deep cleansing breaths, a general feeling of euphoria and gratitude for your gift from heaven, complete mastery of the art of breast-feeding immediately after birth and a return to your Tae-Bo classes after a good night’s sleep.

What few people told you is that your first good night’s sleep won’t occur for another three years. And now that your first few months of parenting aren’t living up to your rosy expectations, you are probably feeling pretty disappointed.

The problem is most moms direct that disappointment at themselves rather than at the real culprit, Mother Nature. People just hate to talk about postpartum depression, but I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that my experience says that more women fall prey to it than will admit.

There’s so much shame and fear attached to saying that being a mommy isn’t one long day at Gymboree that those of us who suffer from the emotional whiplash of this life change do so in silence.

Marie Osmond’s recent revelation about handing her credit card to her nanny and driving away from her houseful of kids was a real gift to the new moms everywhere who wonder why their own lives don’t match up to what’s on TV.

I’m not talking about the wimpy little weeping bouts that are preciously referred to as the “baby blues”; I’m talking about standing in the middle of the grocery store with your baby strapped to your chest and sobbing because you can’t remember what you’d like to eat for dinner. I’m talking about being so sleep deprived that a runny nose turns into walking pneumonia. I’m talking about the inability to remember your own phone number or address when placing a catalog order for yet another pair of black leggings and oversized shirt. I’m talking about loving your child fervently enough to make your heart burst but still fantasizing about moving back to your college dormitory and being young and single again.

Postpartum depression describes a whole spectrum of feelings that are out of kilter with the universe for several months after your baby is born. It may pass, given time and rest, but that shouldn’t stop you from calling your obstetrician again and asking for more specific help.

Hey, if Prozac is prescribed for dogs to keep them from being depressed while their owners are at work, a mommy who can’t face another dirty diaper or get out of her bathrobe in the course of a day might also be a candidate.

I’m not endorsing anything here; just giving you food for thought. In the meantime, force yourself to stay in touch with other new moms. Their reassurance and understanding, not to mention humor, can be as potent as any pharmaceutical.

Whatever you do, don’t take this altered state personally. All my best girlfriends have experienced it to some degree, including me.

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Vicki Iovine is the author of the “Girlfriends’ Guide,” a columnist for Child magazine and parenting correspondent for NBC’s “Later Today.” Write to her at Girlfriends, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A., CA 90053; e-mail GrlfrndsVI@aol.com.