LAUGH LINES
Maybe It Was Just a Joke: “A man has been arrested for threatening to blow up Mt. Rushmore. Boy, would that have gotten George Washington’s nose all out of joint.” (Daily Scoop)
And a Wonderful Tree It Is: “This year’s official White House tree is a beautiful fir--tall, with stout limbs and a solid trunk. The official backup will be Al Gore.” (Kenny Noble Cortes)
Such the Talented Guy: “Michael Jackson announced . . . that he is going to stop touring and focus on acting. You know, his previous acting experience includes two marriages.” (Jay Leno)
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The EssentialDavid Letterman
Top Things You Don’t Want to Hear During a Parent-Teacher Conference
10. “Can you clear something up for us? Is your child a boy or a girl?”
7. “Please tell me you’re in the military and you’ll be moving soon.”
6. “I used to be George W. Bush’s geography teacher.”
5. “I think your child may be gifted. Ah, just kidding. He’s a complete moron.”
3. “Your son is a wimp--I tend to favor the bullies.”
1. “It’s nice to finally place a face with the forged absentee notes.”
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