LAUGH LINES
On the Campaign Trail: Cybill Shepherd and Warren Beatty are among the possible celebrity presidential candidates. “It’s insane. On election night, we won’t know who’s the next president until Tom Hanks opens the envelope and announces the winner.” (Argus Hamilton)
But Who’s Counting?: A study says the world population is expected to hit 6 billion this month. “And most of them will be on the San Diego Freeway at 5 p.m.” (Johnny Robish)
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The Essential
David Letterman
Least intimidating things to say to your opponent before a prizefight:
10. “Take it easy--I don’t want to get all sweaty.”
9. “Please hold me.”
8. “You look great--have you been working out?”
6. “Every time I look into those fabulous eyes, I melt.”
5. “I watched a fantastic documentary on the Discovery Channel last night.”
3. “I float like a butterfly . . . I love butterflies!”
2. “That ‘Sixth Sense’ movie made me tremble like a newborn doe.”
1. “Can’t we just talk about this over a spot of tea?”
Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.
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