Statistically, It Was Some Way to Finish

Ross Porter, the Benjamin Franklin of useless statistics, has finally gone off the deep end. During the final Astro-Dodger game of the season, Porter came up with this one: “Larry Dierker will become the first manager in history to reach the playoffs in a season in which he underwent successful brain surgery.”

Since he has obviously lost it, I thought I’d give Ross some other statistics for him to use next year:

* Raul Mondesi has become the first player in history to have more public expletives than base hits in a single season.

* In innings where Eric Gagne’s glasses do not fog up, batters are hitting seven points higher against him.

* Gary Sheffield is the 3,082nd Dodger to wear shoes.

* In cities that begin with S, N, P, A, H, and D, Tripp Cromer doesn’t eat dinner.

Have a nice winter, Ross.

JOSH SEGAL

San Diego

*

The Dodgers, as lousy as they’ve been, close Candlestick Park by beating the Giants and sending 60,000 of their fans home unhappy. I’d call that a winning season.

MEL POWELL

Los Angeles