He’s the Perfect Candidate for the White House

Former wrestler Jesse Ventura toys with the press about how a third-party candidate could win the presidency in 2000.

Actor Warren Beatty gives a public policy address, and people say he’s thinking of the White House.

Businessman Donald Trump says he’s forming an exploratory committee for a possible presidential run.

Celebrities are running amok at the fringes of national politics.

But if it’s a celebrity you want, why settle for one of those guys?

Why not draft one with a personal history so rich and varied that he embodies the life experiences of a half-dozen actual or potential candidates all rolled up into one man?

Such a celebrity exists, and he lives right here in Orange County.

How’s this for a presidential candidate’s biography:

He was born in New Jersey but grew up without a father in a Dallas housing project. He once worked as a janitor but rose to become a multimillionaire, with success in numerous fields of endeavor.

Like Trump, he’s a businessman, owning an excavating company in Dallas. Like Ventura, he has been a professional wrestler. Like Beatty, he’s been in the movies, including a co-starring role opposite Jean-Claude Van Damme.

Like many of the announced candidates, he has written a book about his life. His (“Bad as I Wanna Be”) was a national best-seller.

Unlike most of the other candidates, however, he also has had books written about him, including one by an ex-wife entitled “Worse Than He Says He Is.”

Described by his mother as a “soft, painfully shy, passive child,” he emerged as an adult and became a star in his chosen profession, which, as with Democratic candidate Bill Bradley, was pro basketball.

Businessman, athlete, author, actor, rags-to-riches celebrity.

Ladies and gentleman, Mr. Dennis Keith Rodman!

Ventura, Beatty and Trump are blank pieces of paper compared to this guy.

If Rodman hasn’t talked about running for president, it’s only because no one has asked.

Despite conventional wisdom that Rodman is from another planet, he is a natural-born American citizen and, therefore, eligible for the presidency.

He most likely would have to run as an alternative-party candidate. In fact, his party would probably be the Party Party.

Known as “the Worm” during his NBA career, he would have a built-in campaign slogan: “Put a Worm in the White House.”

Like many presidents, Rodman rose from humble beginnings. He has worked on a farm but would be the first president to have shown up at a book-signing wearing makeup, black leather pants, a silver tank top and a pink feather boa. Or, on another occasion, in a bridal gown.

If elected, Rodman would be our tallest president (at 6 feet 8) and our most heavily tattooed. He would be the first to sport streaked, multicolored hair and to have worn both nose and ear rings, along with studs (at least, in public). He would also be the president with the most NBA championship rings (five) and the only one to have hosted his own show on MTV.

He’s the only candidate who couldn’t shock us with his behavior in the White House. With what he’s already showed us and told us, he’s scandal-proof.

Thus far, Rodman hasn’t been linked to any particular philosophy. We have only clues: He seems to have a penchant for cross-dressing, which might align him with the law-and-order conservatism of a J. Edgar Hoover. On the other hand, Rodman has demonstrated some counterculture rebelliousness.

Orange County isn’t considered fertile territory for national politicians, but Rodman, who has a waterfront home in Newport Beach, could change all that. He could make people forget Bob Dornan’s presidential run in a New York minute.

In politics, things can happen quickly. Rodman could form an exploratory committee. He could go to New Hampshire this winter, attend a few coffee klatches in his fur coat and, possibly, land a spot in one or two debates.

From there, his natural personality would take over. Let’s just say I don’t think Mr. Bill Bradley or Mr. George W. Bush would want to debate foreign policy with the Worm.

President Dennis Rodman.

Just think, as a new century dawns, another Western White House in Orange County.

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Dana Parsons’ column appears Wednesday, Friday and Sunday. Readers can reach Parsons by calling (714) 966-7821 or by writing to him at the Times Orange County Edition, 1375 Sunflower Ave., Costa Mesa, CA 92626, or by e-mail to dana.parsons@latimes.com.