Going Solo on a Cruise Shouldn’t Be a Ticket to Loneliness on the High Seas

I’ve traveled solo all over the world, but nowhere have I felt so completely and conspicuously alone as on cruise ships. Couples predominate by a wide margin--even on the singles-friendly Harmony and Symphony, two luxurious ships operated by Crystal Cruises. According to Kirk Frederick, director of guest programs for the line, just 13% of the passengers come aboard alone, and almost all of them are women (on the average Crystal cruise, the ratio is 125 single women to two single men).

During my first cruise five years ago on the Costa Classica in the western Caribbean, I stood out amid all the happy couples like a lone hippopotamus on Noah’s Ark. Married women acted vaguely horrified or clucked sympathetically when they found out I was on my own. Though I’m not easily intimidated, after a while I started feeling forlorn. I got a tan and saw Martinique, but ultimately decided that cruising wasn’t for me--which was too bad, because in most other respects it’s a safe, easy, comfortable vacation option for solo women travelers.

And it isn’t just single women who get the short end of the stick. Cabins for singles of either sex are rare on cruise ships, and people who want a room to themselves usually have to pay a single supplement ranging from 110% to 200% of the double-occupancy rate. A few cruise lines (such as Carnival, Celebrity, Holland America and Princess) offer guaranteed share programs, which means you don’t have to pay the supplement if you’re willing to bunk with an assigned roommate (of the same sex) and take whatever cabin happens to be free. If no one turns up, you get a room to yourself. But if someone does, you’re a freshman in college all over again, waiting to meet a stranger who may leave dirty underwear on the floor.

To avoid the supplement but not the assigned roommate problem, a few travel agencies organize singles cruises, reserving a block of cabins on various ships for clients. Florida-based Majestic Sun Tours offers about 20 of these a year, makes its own roommate assignments and sends along a singles tour director who organizes shore excursions and activities specifically for the group. “Most people aren’t all that outgoing,” says Trevor Grosholz, cruise consultant and tour director for Majestic Sun. “But we have a singles cocktail party on the first night, so you immediately have a group of friends.” Majestic Sun groups usually include 20 to 35 singles in the 25 to 55 age range.

It is worth noting that even if you book a cruise like this, you’ll still be outnumbered by the couples on the ship.

Another option for single cruisers is the Travel Companion Exchange, part of an informative newsletter that lets singles advertise for travel partners; some mention a specific interest in cruising. Take, for example, an item in the most recent issue: “Arthur: Looks 55, feels younger. Open to day trips, freighter, Alaska cruise.” Or “Marilyn: Fit, energetic, easy-going, current dream trips [include] barge or Windjammer cruises.”

Still, the founder of Travel Companion Exchange, Jens Jurgen, cautions against hooking up with an unknown partner for a long cruise because, as he notes, “You wouldn’t want to spend 120 days cruising around the world with someone you don’t like.”

According to Lisa Haber, president of Cruise Professionals, a Baltimore-based travel agency, Carnival and Royal Caribbean are good choices for younger singles, while Holland America, Princess, Celebrity, Crystal and Cunard are popular among older singles.

Last summer I went cruising alone again--brazenly and unapologetically, knowing full well what I’d be up against. On the Deutschland, a German ship, I got the same curious, pitying looks again, especially from married women, which really makes me fume. What were they thinking? Haven’t they read Germaine Greer’s “The Second Sex”?

But I also met two other women cruising by themselves, whom I’ll never forget. One was middle-age, blond and lovely, and revealed to me one night that all her jewelry was fake. The other was more reserved, a grandmother from Hamburg. Early in our acquaintance, I asked her if she was married or divorced. “Do I look divorced?” she asked, a little acerbically. I knew exactly what she meant. Frau Lindt was a widow, like so many other single women who cruise.

Especially for them, 12 major cruise lines have dance host programs, employing four to six dapper and sociable men, usually over 50, to dance, dine and socialize with single women. “It’s a fact that there is a disproportionate number of women to men on luxury cruises,” says material given to prospective male hosts on Crystal Cruises. “It’s also a fact that cruising and romance go together like bread and butter. Think oil and water. If you dally, not only will you be in the doghouse, you will be asked to dog-paddle to the next port.”

In other words, it’s look-but-don’t-touch with these amiable men. But what happens once you disembark is your own business, which is partly why some gentlemen hosts receive stacks of letters from women they’ve met on cruises, and occasionally end up packing away their tuxedos to marry them. Crystal’s Frederick says he’s “lost” about 10 dance hosts this way since the program started in 1990.

I wouldn’t count on snagging a gentleman host, though. Take a cruise only if it’s the sort of vacation that sounds good to you, and you have no hidden agenda. Cruise lines are getting savvier about making single women welcome. Still, women have to be savvy too.

Majestic Sun Tours, 1000 N.E. 191st St., Suite F-33, N. Miami Beach, FL 33179; telephone (800) 995-SAIL, Internet https://www.majesticsun.com. The Travel Companion Exchange, P.O. Box 833, Amityville, NY 11701; tel. (516) 454-0880.