Advertisement

LAUGH LINES

Building Block?: “The Clinton presidential library is running into construction problems in Little Rock, Ark. Anti-pornography groups vow they will close it down. They claim the president’s career does not meet community standards.” (Argus Hamilton)

On the Rocks: “The rumor is, there’s a little rift going on between Clinton and Gore. Have you sensed this? According to rumors, they barely speak, they hardly ever socialize together, they’re rarely ever in the same room. Or as Clinton calls it: ‘married.’ ” (Jay Leno)

Who’s No. 1?: “Twenty-eight years ago, the musical ‘Jesus Christ Superstar’ opened on Broadway, and to this day Donald Trump still thinks it’s about him.” (Leno)

What a Steal: “Car thieves are turning to stealing SUVs, vans and trucks. Well, the car thieves are getting older, have families of their own to lug around.” (Daily Scoop)

Advertisement

*

Jake Tapper’s Essential List

Top reasons Elizabeth Dole withdrew from the presidential race:

9. Threat of national hair-spray shortage.

Advertisement

7. Found voters surprisingly unresponsive to saccharine delivery and phony persona.

5. Aides concerned that candidate would actually assault next reporter who called her “Liddy.”

2. Misses special Red Cross blood milkshakes.

1. Insert Viagra joke here.

Send us a line: Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.


Advertisement