Section Gee! Advice, Humor, Comics, Horoscope, Kids : LAUGH LINES

On the Campaign Trail: Rumors that George W. Bush used cocaine continue to swirl. “You know who he’s going to pick to be his running mate if he wins the primaries? The monkey on his back.” (Steve Voldseth)

On the Campaign Trail II: Bush says there’s no evidence to support that charge that he once did cocaine. “Yeah, I wonder where it went?” (Jay Leno)

Sowing Political Seeds: A company is selling plantings cut from trees owned by famous people. “There’s the Lyndon B. Johnson pecan and the Martin Luther King Jr. oak. But my favorite celebrity tree is the Al Gore Al Gore.” (Voldseth)

Sowing Strange Seeds: PBS “master gardener” Jerry Baker says spraying beer and urine on your yard will give you a better-looking lawn. “So how come the grass looks so bad around fraternity houses?” (Leno)

We Apologize in Advance: A magazine run by the State University of New York is printing a parable written by the Unabomber. “It was a case of publish or perish.” (Daily Scoop)

At the Head of the Class: U.S. News and World Report rated Caltech the best college in the nation. “Harvard ranked second, Columbia 10th and Florida 90-proof.” (Bob Mills)

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