If Talking Isn’t Possible . . .

Despite your best efforts, you may not be able to start a discussion with your parents about their finances, health-care issues and estate planning.

They may refuse to consider the subjects, or they may have impairments such as early-stage dementia that make them suspicious of your attempts. Estrangements or long-standing emotional problems can be other barriers to discussion.

But there still are steps you can take to lessen the impact or even the likelihood of future problems:

* Educate yourself. Learning something about wills, probate, long-term health care and estate planning can help you get your own affairs in order and can also help you should your parents ever be willing to discuss these matters.

One book to try is “Plan Your Estate,” by lawyers Denis Clifford and Cora Jordan ($24.95, Nolo Press). Another, which contains information on long-term care, is “Your Money: It’s a Family Affair,” by Joan M. Gruber ($13.95, Oldenwald Books Publishing).

* Take care of your own finances. An emergency fund can give you the financial cushion to deal with a sudden health-care or other family crisis. Last-minute plane flights, unpaid job leaves and other unexpected costs can be part of care-giving.

* Investigate sources of help. Author Beth Witrogen McLeod wishes she had looked into the community resources available to help seniors where her parents lived so she would have known what her options were.

One key number is that of the Eldercare Locator, (800) 677-1116, a service of the Department of Health and Human Services’ Administration on Aging. The locator can direct you to resources for household help, health care, meal services and more.

An increasing number of companies offer support services and elder-care locators for their employees. A phone book from your parents’ community can also help you in an emergency.

* Establish a network. McLeod recommends getting the names and phone numbers of parents’ neighbors who, along with friends and other family members, can help you keep tabs on your parents and can serve as an early-warning system should problems develop.

Elder-care experts say it’s best to have your parents participate in any family meetings where decisions will be made about their care. If your parents refuse, you may need to discuss these issues with your siblings and other family members without them.

* Consult an elder-law attorney if necessary. If your parent has become incapable of managing financial or personal affairs and refuses to delegate these tasks to someone else, it may be necessary to establish a conservatorship. This is a legal procedure that allows someone else to make decisions for a particular individual.

The procedure can be expensive and intrusive, stripping the parent of many legal rights and requiring periodic reports to the courts, so it should be considered as a last resort.

The local bar association or the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys at (520) 881-4005 can provide referrals.