LAUGH LINES
On the Campaign Trail: To make the official announcement that he’s running for president, Bill Bradley stopped in his hometown of Crystal City, Mo. “Now don’t confuse that with George W. Bush’s hometown, Crystal Meth, Texas.” (Jay Leno)
On the Campaign Trail II: Polls show a tight race between newly declared presidential candidate Bill Bradley and Vice President Al Gore. “But another poll shows voters approve of Bradley and Gore nearly 2 to 1 over Sominex.” (Daily Scoop)
Waco Woes: An investigation is under way into the FBI’s actions. “This thing just gets worse and worse. Like today, the FBI released its new top-10 most-wanted list. No. 1? ‘More alibis. We need more alibis. We’re running out of stories.’ ” (Steve Voldseth)
*
The Essential
David Letterman
Term-paper topics written by genius mice:
9. “A Sociological Study of Why Cats Suck”
7. “The Horror of Diet Coke’s Laboratory Testing”
6. “Selling Out for Fame, Drugs and Cheap Women: The Tragic Story of Mickey Mouse”
2. “Velveeta: Don’t Eat That Waxy, Artificial Crap”
1. “Rats: Just Big Mice?”
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