LAUGH LINES

Go Figure: Hillary Clinton’s mother accompanied Bill Clinton on his trip to New Zealand and was almost lost in a crowd when local security guards failed to recognize her. “They lost her--I’m sure that was an accident!” (Jay Leno)

Not Coming Soon: Disney is canceling plans to make a sequel to the movie “Peter Pan.” “Mainly because Peter is close to 50 now and it’s too creepy that he keeps showing up in kids’ bedrooms.” (Conan O’Brien)

Future Shock: The Miss America Pageant dropped a 49-year-old rule that banned contestants who are divorced or have had an abortion. “Next month, the Miss America Pageant governing board will vote on whether the Earth is flat.” (Jerry Perisho)

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Chris Pina’s Essential

List of the Day

Overheard at the Emmys:

* “I’d like to thank everyone at the conglomerate.”

* “The ‘Sopranos’ producer had a little ‘chat’ with the Emmy guy and there’s been some changes.”

* “Did you hear that? David Kelly also won the war in East Timor.”

* “David Letterman is not here to accept this award, but as his stalker, I will gladly do so.”

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.