Life.Com: All Undressed and No Need to Go Anywhere
The other day, I dropped off some clothes at my favorite dry cleaners in Newbury Park. The owner, Alan, and I were the only ones in the place, so there was no big rush. Good. I enjoy talking with Alan. Besides running a dry-cleaning shop, he’s a philosopher--an interesting guy.
“So Alan,” I said, “can I have this stuff back by Friday? The wife and I are going to a wedding.”
“No problem; come by after 4,” he assured me while checking for missing buttons, stains and, for all I know, bullet holes. Not only is he a philosopher, he’s meticulous.
“You know what’s really neat, these days?” I asked, not actually looking for an answer. “I bought the wedding gift on the Internet--just found the store’s Web page and bridal registry, ordered the gift, had it wrapped and included a card. I never had to leave the house. Did the whole thing in five minutes while sitting at the computer in my underwear. Is that great or what?”
Let me explain. I’m not a recluse; I just don’t like to go anywhere. Parties and weddings aren’t bad once I get there. But I really hate to shop. You can’t just walk in a straight line through a store anymore. To make sure you look at everything, all the aisles zigzag; shopping has become an obstacle course. And frankly, I’m not too crazy about overweight people wandering around dribbling slices of pizza down their shirt fronts. So for me computer shopping is a godsend.
“Well,” Alan said, “shopping on the computer may be OK for you, but for me it’s too impersonal. When I buy a wedding gift, I want to take the time to pick it out, wrap it up and personally hand it to the bride and groom. Eye contact--you know what I’m saying? I want to hear them say how pleased they are to receive it. Then I want to watch them put it in a pile with six other gifts exactly like it. Who needs a computer?”
Alan thinks most of the world’s problems can be directly traced to the personal computer. He tells me that it’s just a matter of time before the telephone, all entertainment, books, everything will all be one big computer screen. Libraries and books as we know them will cease to exist. Ten years from now, if you want to see a book, you’ll go to a museum.
He got me thinking. I guess that’s what philosophers get paid for. I can’t imagine not having books around. I like to rummage around in secondhand bookstores. I like the way a book fits into my hand, the way you can just pick it up and put it down when you feel like it--nothing to boot up or shut down. And I know for a fact that a lot of Los Angeles drivers would be miserable if they didn’t have books to read while driving the freeways.
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No, reading stuff on computer screens is not the same as reading a book. For my money, computers will never replace them. But with weddings it’s a different story. Computer weddings have real possibilities.
With computers Macy’s could handle the whole affair. Why stop with just the gifts? After the loving couple received their gifts, they could send thank-you notes via the Internet. And instead of actually showing up for the wedding, we could stay at home and watch it on our computers. On the appointed day, Macy’s could send over a few drinks and those little sandwiches with the crusts cut off. A piece of wedding cake would be nice too. After they tied the knot, we could sprinkle virtual rice across the computer screens.
Yeah, computer weddings just might work. But I can see why Alan would be concerned. If 10 years from now we’ll be able to attend fancy weddings while sitting in front of computers in our underwear, where’s the humanity? The eye contact? The personal interaction?
And who would need dry cleaners?