Certain Postpartum Changes Aren’t in the Fine Print

Dear Vicki: Your books were the greatest part of my pregnancy, besides feeling my baby move around. Since I delivered my baby five months ago, I’ve observed many little changes to my anatomy, most of them located below the navel and above the thighs, if you catch my drift.

Sex feels less satisfying, even though my husband tells me he’s not complaining. My doctor said that my “female” walls have fallen, that it’s very normal and happens all the time. But I’ve never heard anyone mention that before, and it’s not in any of your books.

I hate it and can’t believe this has happened to me after just one baby, although my labor was horrible. Also, I am still a little sore--is that normal? Let me know what you think.

--THE WALLS OF JERICHO ARE TUMBLING DOWN

Dear Jericho: Oh you poor thing! If truth be told, I had some serious reservations about writing about such a personal problem in a Sunday paper, but I felt compelled to reassure you and the thousands of other women like you who silently and privately deal with this kind of worry all by themselves.

After all, this column is devoted to families, and no families would exist if it weren’t for the heroic women who bravely sustained (even if with no advance warning) the slings and arrows that growing and birthing a baby can shoot into their libidos, not to mention their pelvic floors.

Congratulations on consulting a doctor right away. Many women with experiences similar to yours are so humiliated and frightened at the thought of hearing they’d sacrificed their sexuality to childbirth that they never consult anyone, even an experienced Girlfriend. Trust me, I’ve asked around!

Common sense would indicate that passing a baby with a head the size of a grapefruit through your “privates” might do some awesome pulling and stretching. Fortunately, most of this remedies itself with time, especially if the new mom is careful about not straining the area before it’s completely healed. I wouldn’t recommend any heavy lifting (as in 30 or 40 pounds at Gold’s Gym--a 7-pound baby is no sweat) and I would do my best not to get constipated.

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Here’s the non-medical, anecdotal Girlfriends’ advice, which has been reviewed by my own revered ob/gyn, Dr. Paul Crane. My tips may be a little more “out there” than his professional advice might be, but he’s fine with me telling you that, first of all, it’s never too late to take up Kegel exercises. Those are the controlled tightening and holding of the muscles of the pelvic floor and vaginal walls. Good news! You can actually get some of your most effective “workouts” during intimate moments with your partner. For more specific information, pull out your tattered old copy of “The Girlfriends’ Guide to Pregnancy,” in which I give uncensored instructions.

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Also, since you’ve already consulted your doctor, ask him to show you how best to work your inner workings.

Second, calm down, you are still experiencing postpartum adjustments. Chances are, if you do your Kegels and stay in touch with your doctor, you will be feeling much more “fit” by the end of the first year after your baby’s birth.

Here’s another bit of good news: Most of the wear and tear on the birth canal occurs with the first birth. In other words, you won’t get progressively worse with each subsequent child.

The most important bit of information I can impart from my anecdotal studies is that husbands and mates almost never even notice, let alone complain, about any extra “roominess” down there. The worst thing that happens is that sex lasts a little longer (which we women always know is a good thing).

This is me talking, not Dr. Crane, but, hey, he didn’t censor me: You’re like a high-performance machine that has actually been pushed as far as it can go, and you will come out humming; otherwise there would be a lot more only children on this planet. Keep the faith, Jericho! Sexy is as sexy does.

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P.S. Yes, Dr. Crane and I (don’t you love that credibility!) think it’s entirely normal for you to still feel a little sore five months after giving birth. Have your doctor reassure you that you aren’t infected and are healing right, then take it easy on yourself. Talk to your mate about your increased sensitivity; I’m sure he’ll knock himself out to be extra gentle with you, his goddess, the mother of his child.

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Vicki Iovine is the author of the “Girlfriends’ Guide,” a columnist for Child magazine and parenting correspondent for NBC’s “Later Today.” Write to her at Girlfriends, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A., CA 90053; e-mail GrlfrndsVI@aol.com.