LAUGH LINES

Doesn’t Add Up: “At a fund-raiser in Des Moines, George Bush said: ‘When we carry Iowa in November, it will mean the end of four years of Clinton and Gore.’ . . . Bush’s campaign manager explained the mistake. He said Bush was holding a microphone at the time, so he could only count with one hand.” (Jay Leno)

In for a Bumpy Ride: “ ‘Survivor’ returns in January in a new setting and with a new challenge: Five [people] drive from Los Angeles to New York on a set of Firestones, and with each blowout, somebody gets voted off the Explorer.” (Argus Hamilton)

He’s the Man!: “Richard [Hatch], the naked guy, won the million dollars on ‘Survivor.’ This guy loves being the center of attention, isn’t afraid of being naked and is willing to do anything for money. You get the feeling he’s related to Darva Conger?” (Andrew Wisot)

Surprise, Surprise: “The ‘Survivor’ craze is still on. . . . I had my lunch today, and I got the Happy Meal. I opened it up and there was a little naked . . . guy in there.” (David Letterman)

All a Haze: L.A. has been rated the “smoggiest city” in the U.S. “I never realized how bad it was--until . . . I met a group of tourists on the way up to feel the Hollywood sign.” (Leno)

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