We’re Clickin’ in a Nixon Wonderland

We all remember what a hip guy Richard Nixon was, that wily master of understatement and the deft, ironic touch.

Just ask John Dean. Oh, the fun the two of them would have, sitting around the Oval Office and laughing their heads off.

Cutting-edge as Nixon was, then, it only follows that six years after his death, we can “Click With Dick.”

Can’t you just see Nixon and Kissinger coming up with a line like that?

Nixon-lovers may have thought his place in history lay in meetings with Brezhnev and Mao (or, perhaps, Elvis), but that’s strictly old-school thinking.

The essential Richard Nixon is online. He will remain not in our hearts and minds, but on our coffee tables and closet shelves.

“Announcing your gateway to the Nixon Library and Center, the Nixon Legacy . . . and amazing holiday shopping convenience!”

In short, Nixon is back--and just in time for Christmas.

Don’t believe me? Take a trip to https://www.nixonlibrary.org and click on “The Museum Store.”

The first item to catch my eye was “Soap, with the Presidential Seal.” That’s an item I’d not heard of before. Not surprisingly, it was listed as one of “November’s Featured Products.”

Sounding like something a sunny pre-Watergate Nixon would have written, here’s the sales pitch: “Want to clean up your local politics? After a tough day demonstrating for your candidate in Florida, you’ll love this classy-smelling soap.”

The soap comes three bars to a package and goes for $9.95--unless you’re a “member” and get the 15% discount and pay $8.46.

In the always difficult “Gifts Under $10” category, the museum store offers a wide range of presidential possibilities.

Air Force One as Sleigh

I’ve got a special friend and was thinking, perhaps, of the “Limo Float Pen,” for $2.95. “Tip the pen and see RN’s limo drive by his birthplace home.”

Don’t confuse that item with the “Air Force One Float Pen” at the same price. Tip that one and “watch as the President flies by the White House in Air Force One.” It is rightly touted as “a must have for every pen collector.”

Got a golf nut on your list? How about a sleeve of three presidential golf balls “imprinted with Presidential Seal and RN’s signature.” Hailed as “one of our best sellers!,” the balls sell for $9.95. The Nixon I read about liked sports, and you have to think he’d be quite pleased with that pricing.

You can Click With Dick over to a fairly extensive video and CD collection that would make the real Dick proud. While some might be drawn to a PBS documentary, “Nixon’s China Game,” I’d be more inclined to check out “Presidential Limousines,” with the teaser “You wouldn’t believe everything there is to know about the Presidents’ cars!”

Be advised, however, the limo video goes for $24, slightly higher than the China video.

Knowing that Nixon would have insisted on something in the infant-wear category, that’s available online, too.

No expert, but I like something called “America Onesie,” a red- and blue-striped baby outfit with “America” embroidered on the front. It’s 100% cotton and comes in 6-, 12-, 18- and 24-month sizes.

No Nixon collection would be complete without Elvis, commemorating their 1970 meeting in the White House at which Elvis wanted to sign up to help fight the war on drugs and Nixon gave him some souvenirs instead.

Take your pick online from among Nixon-Elvis photos, watches, note pads with magnet (or magnets by themselves), coffee mugs, T-shirts and the ever-popular float pens.

I found the prices reasonable.

You could probably spend all day at the site. I’ve left out details on things like the presidential pillow, the Nixon family paper doll set or the presidential cuff links and tie tacks.

Sure, all presidential libraries have gift shops. Remember, though, there’s only place you can “Click With Dick.”

Somewhere, Richard Nixon is smiling and wishing you a Merry Presidential Christmas.

*

Dana Parsons’ column appears Wednesday, Friday and Sunday. Readers may reach Parsons by calling (714) 966-7821 or by writing to him at The Times’ Orange County edition, 1375 Sunflower Ave., Costa Mesa, CA 92626, or by e-mail to dana.parsons@latimes.com.